...Mightier Than the Sword
A Fan Fiction Archive
[Scene: Manor. Piper and Phoebe are walking up the stairs.]

Phoebe: Okay, Piper, I can't be late getting to the office today. I have a radio interview with those morning guys, Pip and Skeeter.

Piper: That's Skip and Peter. (They walk into the hallway.) Could you forget about your advice column for two seconds? Come see where we're putting the nursery.

Phoebe: You're putting it in your closet. I've seen your closet, there's a lot of shoes, honey.

Piper: No, not anymore. (They walk into Piper's room and into the emptied out closet.) Look, it's perfect.

(Leo is there making a hole in the wall to fit a window.)

Phoebe: It's a little cramped though, don't you think?

Leo: That's why I'm adding a window to bring in the light and create a sense of space.

(They walk back into the room.)

Phoebe: Aww, you guys are very cute but why are you doing all of this now? I mean, your due date is not for months.

Piper: Well, demon activity has been light, so it's a good time to get ahead.

Phoebe: Speaking of ahead, I can't believe you guys didn't notice my billboards down town.

Piper: Oh, honey, of course we noticed them. You can see them from a passing 747.

(They laugh.)

Leo: We would've told you how proud we are of you, but you never slow down to give us a chance.

Phoebe: Well, you know, nothing perks up a girl's career like sending her husband straight to hell. Okay, well, I've seen the nursery and it's absolutely beautiful but I really have to go to that interview.

Piper: Uh, honey, I know your work is very important to you but guess what? I'm having a baby.

Phoebe: Aw, I know.

Piper: Yeah, so how about you take a couple of minutes to be Aunt Phoebe.

Phoebe: Oh my god, you are so right. I'm so sorry. Okay, what do you need?

Piper: An opinion. Uh, I'm thinking...

(Paige orbs in.)

Paige: Positions! Bogey in three, two, one... (Suddenly, a demon wearing no shirt and a black and white mask appears. He blows a dart at Paige with a blowgun and she ducks. The dart hits a teddy bear and its head shrinks. Piper and Phoebe gasp. Piper blows up the demon and vanquished him.) So much for the theory that Borneo demons are impervious to magical powers. I can't wait to tell the local witch doctors.

Leo: Okay, excuse me, can we refrain from blowing up demons in the nursery?

Piper: Oh, honey, it was just one.

Leo: Piper, you're going to be a mum, you need to start thinking about the safety of our daughter. (to Paige) And you, you're getting so caught up with this magical kick, I mean, look at your hair. It's so red from the potion you blew up last night.

Paige: Do you have any idea how much this would cost in the salon?

Phoebe: I love your new 'do, honey, I think you look beautiful. (Phoebe gives Paige a quick hug.) Okay, bye.

Paige: Thank you.

Piper: Honey, sweets, toots... I appreciate that you're very concerned but I am still a witch and we do still have innocents to protect and demons to fight. I can't just crawl in a hole.

[Scene: Buffy's house. Willow and Buffy]

Buffy: Okay. We need a plan. Death is gonna come, and we're gonna slay it!

Willow: Buffy, y-you can't slay death. It's already dead. But I can cast a spell.

Buffy: Yeah. But will it backfire?

(Willow hunts for some books.)

Willow: There is a slight backfire, but... we'll need the Charmed Ones...

Buffy: Alright. I'll go and get them.

[Scene: Manor. Piper's room. Piper is sitting on the bed sorting through some boxes. Leo is in the closet sanding down the window frame.]

Piper: Leo, I can't believe you found all of our baby stuff.

Leo: Grams was a bit of a pack rat.

(Piper pulls out a pink album.)

Piper: Baby book. My baby book. (She opens it up.) Oh, look how squishy I was.

Leo: You were so adorable.

Piper: Leo, you can't even see the picture.

Leo: Well, I'm your Whitelighter. I've been watching you ever since you were a baby.

Piper: Uh-huh, yeah, see that's too creepy to think about. I never knew that mum kept a baby book for me.

Leo: Well, why not? I mean, you started one for our daughter. I always thought you and your mum were a lot alike.

(He picks up the window and tries to get it up to the frame.)

Piper: It's strange to think that she went through everything I'm going through right now. I don't think you ever really know how much your mother loves you until you become one yourself.

(Leo drops the window frame and he groans in pain.)

Leo: Ow!

Piper: Oh, are you okay?

Leo: Yeah.

Piper: Here, um, why don't you let me help you?

Leo: No, it's heavy.

(Piper walks over to him, still holding the album.)

Piper: Well, see, that's kind of why I wanted to help you with it.

Leo: Piper, when are you gonna accept the fact that you're pregnant?

Piper: When are you gonna stop being so overprotective?

Leo: Look, all I'm suggesting is that you slow down.

Piper: Okay, Leo, I'm not gonna be one of those women that sits on her ass and eats Bonbons throughout her whole pregnancy. That's just not the woman you married. Besides, generations of Halliwell women raised perfectly normal children before me. They all got through it and so will I.

Leo: Not all of them.

Piper: What's that supposed to mean?

Leo: How far along in the book have you gotten? (Piper flips through the rest of the book and the pages are blank.) There was no one there to finish it after your mother died.

Piper: Oh.

Leo: Like I said, you are a lot like your mother. She was careless too. She thought she was invincible. She was wrong.

(Doorbell rings.)

Piper: Err, I'll get it.

(She leaves, Leo works on.)

[Cut to foyer, Piper opens the front door. She smiles and see's Buffy stood there.]

Buffy: Hey. How you holding up?

Piper: Alright. How are you?

Buffy: Good... Just we need your help, again...

Piper: (Letting Buffy in, they enter the living room.) What with?

Buffy: Death is coming, Willow said she'll cast a spell to protect us, but...

Piper: Alright. I'll call my sisters.

Buffy: Just don't forget, it's tonight. We need the help tonight!

[Scene: South Bay Social Services. Paige walks in soaking wet. She walks over to her cubicle.]

Mr. Cowan: Matthews! In my office, now!

(She walks into his office.)

Paige: Weather advisory, if you're gonna go outside, bring a paddle.

Mr. Cowan: Where were you?

Paige: Had to run the Mackenzie papers over to the courthouse.

Mr. Cowan: You've been gone an hour.

Paige: Yeah, well, there's a freak rainstorm. The entire city's flooded.

Mr. Cowan: Well, you should've let someone know where you were headed. You have this habit of coming and going as you please.

Paige: As I please? No, I come and go as other people please. That's what assistants do, they run errands. I'll tell you a little secret. They don't like it.

Mr. Cowan: Well, your behaviour's got to change.

Paige: Maybe it'll change if you promote me to social worker.

Mr. Cowan: I already did. You start tomorrow.

[Time lapse. Paige is talking on the phone to Phoebe.]

Phoebe: He promoted you? Congratulations!

Paige: Thanks, I guess.

Phoebe: What do you mean, you guess? Paige, you've worked so hard for this, it's your dream.

Paige: Yeah, Cowan already gave me the big responsibility speech. No more coming to work late, no more long lunches.

[Cut to Phoebe's office. Phoebe's assistant walks in.]

Phoebe: Hold on a second, sweetie.

Assistant: Uh, I've got Nancy O'Dell's producer on the phone, they wanna know if you want hair and makeup.

Phoebe: Uh, no, I will do my own. Thanks.

(The assistant leaves.)

Paige: Nancy O'Dell?

Phoebe: Yeah, she wants to interview me on TV tomorrow.

Paige: Look at you blowing up around town. Billboards, radio, TV... What's next? Phoebe, the world tour?

Phoebe: Oh, no, even better. Divorce court.

Paige: What? I can't believe with all you have going on, you've found time to push a divorce through the system.

Phoebe: I just want my life back. I don't wanna have to look over my shoulder praying that Cole doesn't find a way out of the demonic wasteland, you know.

Paige: Do you think he will?

Phoebe: You know what? I don't care. Because even if he does, after today, I'll be free.

[Cut to an underground parking lot. The ground is wet from the rain. Phoebe walks over to her car and throws her coat and bag in. A demon sneaks up on Phoebe and punches her down. He grags her up, and shimmers out.]

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Buffy, Piper, Phoebe and Leo are there. Paige walks in the foyer through the front door and puts her bag and umbrella away.]

Paige: Okay, I just cut work on the day of my big promotion and sped through a rainstorm to get here, what is the 9... (She walks into the living room.) 11?

Piper: Buffy's back...

Paige: Oh hey. (She sits next to her.) What's up?

Buffy: Something is coming, and it's bigger than anything we've ever seen. Tonight, Willow will say a spell, making all evil in the human realm dust, and will protect us from Death. But, the spell can backfire and kill on of us, we must be carefull.

Phoebe: So, if we die then you go?

Paige: Phoebe!

Phoebe: I'm just saying. (She twirls her hair out of bordem.) Okay, let's get this Willow over and get this spell on the road.

Buffy: Whoa, whoa, whoa. We can only say it when the full moons out.

Piper: That's tomorrow.

Buffy: No, Anya can make the moon fall upon us...

(Paige frowns.)

Paige: Come again?

Buffy: Anya can make the moon come out. There?

Paige: Ahhh...

(Piper steps forward, she takes Buffy's hand and shakes it.)

Piper: (Whisper.) Tell Willow to meet us at the park, it's important...

[Cut to Open on a peaceful pond surrounded by grass and trees. It's a bright sunny day. Piper and Buffy step up to Willow, she smiles.]

Willow: Piper. Good to see you again. Now, I have to proform the spell...

Piper: Willow, I need to talk to you about something, it's important!

Willow: Yes?

(Piper kneels down with Buffy and Willow on blanket.)

Piper: When you proform the spell, I don't want Phoebe or Paige near the spell, they can't handle it.

Willow: So, I'll have to proform the spell over them and us?

Piper: No. Only over us...

Buffy: But that'll put them against the risk of Death.

Piper: It's the chance i have to take, beside's if it goes my way, Paige will orb out, come to us, just in time, and get protected by the spell.

Willow: Okay, let me practase.

(She pours something from a small pot onto the ground.)

Willow: Adonai, Helomi, Pine. The gods do command thee from thy majesty. (puts the lid on the jar, puts it down) O Mappa Laman, Adonai, Helomi. Come forward, blessed one. Know your calling, protect us.

(She looks around.)

Willow: The spell must work with only a full moon.

(Buffy leaves.)

Piper: Buffy?

[Scene: Court house. Judge's chamber. Phoebe, Morris and a judge are there.]

Phoebe: I sent a sheriff to his apartment, to his work, even his dry cleaners. Trust me, your honour, I didn't make a good faith effort to try and notify my husband of our divorce, I made a great faith effort.

Judge: But to grant a default divorce, the court requires that you to put a notice in the local newspaper saying where the missing spouse was last residing. Did you do that?

Phoebe: I made the notice larger than legally required, I even used a 12-pica bold font to make sure it really popped. (She gets a newspaper out of her purse and hands it to the judge.) You see there how it really pops.

Judge: What is your business here, Inspector?

Darryl: I led the investigation to the disappearance of Mr Cole Turner. We used every method at our disposal to find his whereabouts and we still came up empty. It's my belief that Mr. Turner has left the country.

Judge: I must say, young lady, in all my years on the bench I have never seen a divorce push through this fast. Please sign here.

(He hands her a piece of paper.)

Phoebe: Oh, free at last.

Cole's Voice: Is this the right office? (The door opens and Cole walks in.) Cole Turner, your honour. (to Phoebe) Nice ad, thanks for letting me know.

[Time lapse. Corridor. Phoebe and Cole walk out of the room.]

Phoebe: You evil bastard. Why didn't you just stay where you belong?

Cole: Wait a minute, I'm not evil.

(Darryl storms out of the room.)

Darryl: Do you have any idea what you just did to me in there?

Cole: Hold on. (to Phoebe) I'm not evil. I'm good.

Phoebe: You're good at crushing my every hope and dream.

Cole: Well, I'm gonna make up for that.

Darryl: You just made me look like a fool in front of the judge.

Phoebe: You are like a pit bull with a death grip.

Darryl: You know, I should arrest you on principle.

(Cole waves his hand and Darryl turns into a water cooler.)

Cole: Too many people talking at once.

Phoebe: You see, Cole, this is exactly what I'm talking about. Uh, good people don't turn other people into water coolers.

Cole: I needed you to hear me.

Phoebe: Go to hell.

Cole: I was just there. I didn't mean to stay so long but I needed to gather enough powers to execute...

Phoebe: Execute who? Huh? Execute who?

Cole: My plan. I'm hear to redeem myself.

Phoebe: You'd better be careful. You are stepping down a very dangerous road right now.

Cole: I'm already on it. I got my job back at the law firm. I'm gonna use my powers to help people, make up for my past. In time you will see we're meant to be together.

Phoebe: Cole, if you say that again, I swear I'll scream. I want you out of my life.

Cole: I'll keep my distance but I'm not going away. My love for you hasn't changed. It kept me alive in the wasteland, it led me back to you. (Phoebe grabs a letter opener and points it at Cole.) You won't use that. I know you still love me, on some level deep inside.

(He holds the tip of the letter opener and Phoebe cuts his hand. Blood splatters onto some papers.)

Phoebe: You are seriously mistaken if you think I still love you in anyway.

Cole: I wasn't expecting a warm welcome but don't you think this is a little extreme? (His hand magically heals and the blood on the paper bubbles. Phoebe gasps.) Wait.

Phoebe: You stay away from me. Whatever you are.

(Phoebe runs away. Cole waves his hand and the water cooler changes back into Darryl.)

Darryl: What happened? Where's Phoebe?

Cole: She ran off.

Darryl: You're lucky that's all she did.

[Scene: Time lapse. A dark haired girl is running through the fields.]

(We see a very large (both tall and chubby) vampire running steadily between the headstones. The girl falls down, and the Vampire picks her up, she kicks him and drops. She shouts for help as Buffy, Piper and Willow stand behind him. Willow carrying an axe, Buffy holds a stake, and Piper walks forward with nothing in her hand.)

Piper: Hey fatty! (Piper blasts him over, Willow axe's him, and Buffy stakes him... dust.)

Buffy: Are you okay?

Girl: I need... (Screams.)

(Piper turns, Phoebe stands there, with Vampire fangs and claws. She scratches Piper, making her shoot up over the gravestones, and land on one of them hard. Buffy tries to kick her. But Phoebe is just as strong as her. They fight. As Willow is knocked out. The fight continues.)

Buffy: Willow!

(She tries to get past Phoebe to save Willow, but Phoebe kicks her down. She punches and kicks, they fight.)

Piper: Buffy! (She flicks her fingers and blows Phoebe's arm, blood spills.)

Phoebe: Bitch! (She turns and jumps to Piper.)

Piper: Phoebe! You're a witch, a good witch, you're also a good sister! Whatever you do! Don't hurt me! Don't you dare!

(Willow wakes up, she looks at Phoebe going to bite Piper.)

Willow: Buffy! The church!

(Buffy looks up, she runs to Phoebe and pushes her down, she picks her up by the neck and throws her onto the church, the water burns her skin and her fangs, she suddenly turns back to Phoebe, but with hurtful burns.)

Piper: (Coughing.) Phoebe? Phoebe?

(Buffy turns to the the girl, we see her on the floor with a sword in her heart, she's dead.)


Commercial Break


[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo are there.]

Phoebe: He killed our innocent? How could you let that happen?

Piper: I don't know. I think I had a panic attack. I couldn't breathe or move.

Phoebe: Okay, but he killed our innocent.

Leo: Let's give Piper a break, okay.

Piper: No, she's right, I froze up,

Leo: No, it's not your fault. It's your hormones. Your maternal instincts are kicking in.

Paige: More like taking over.

Leo: It's natural for a mother to feel protective of her baby.

Phoebe: But she's been handling demons ever since she got pregnant. Why the sudden change today?

Piper: I don't know, I just, I don't.

Phoebe: Besides, we can't aford to freeze up again, especially now that the Death is coming!

Piper: I know, I'm sorry.

[Scene: Death cavern. He is looking at a book.]

Death: My Vampire failed!

Demon #1: It's not all that bad, you still have me!

Death: (Turns.) But what good are you?! (He draws his sword and stabs his demon.) I'm going after them now!

[Scene: Woods. Night. Willow, Buffy, and Piper are standing in a semicircle. Willow is directly at the foot of the grave. Piper and Buffy hold lit candles.]

Willow: Does everybody have their candles?

Piper: I'm trying, my lighter won't stay lit. (flicking lighter continuously)

Willow: Well, hurry, it has to-

Piper: I got it, I got it. I got it.

Willow: Okay. Start the circle. Now.

(They all kneel, holding their candles, except Willow who holds the Urn of Osiris.)

(Willow produces a small jar containing (presumably) the fawn's blood, and pours it into the urn.)

Willow: Osiris, keeper of the gate, master of all fate, hear us.

(She dips her finger into the urn and marks her forehead and both cheeks with the blood.)

Willow: Before time, and after. Before knowing and nothing.

(She pours the contents of the urn onto the earth.)

Willow: Accept our offering. Know our prayer.

[Cut to manor. Paige and Phoebe sit on the couch, they both have a glass of coke in their hands and a bowl of popcorn between them, they both watch a Vampire movie.]

Paige: I hope Piper, Buffy and Willow are okay fighting the Vampires.

(Phoebe turns, she smiles at Paige, her fangs grow as she tries to bite her. Paige jumps back, throwing her coke all over Phoebe.)

Paige: Phoebe!

(She kicks Phoebe in the head, flips back and punches her to the ground. She suddenly orbs out.)

[Cut to woods. Willow winces in pain. We see blood running from the cuts on her arms, and round shapes moving under her skin. She gives a little moan of pain. The round things move up her arms and over her chest toward her neck.]

(Willow still kneels with her arms held out, panting. The others watch with concern.)

Willow: (yelling) Osiris, let her cross over! Aah...

(Willow makes choking noises as we see the round things under her skin moving up her neck.)

(Paige orbs in.)

Paige: Oh my god, oh my god.

(Willow leans forward putting her hands on the ground, gagging. A snake head appears in her open mouth. Shot of her fingers clutching the grass. The snake slithers out her mouth and onto the ground. The others look horrified.)

(Linger on Willow leaning over the ground with her mouth still open.)

Paige: Willow? (She walks over.)

Piper: Paige go back! Paige! Go! Paige Go!

(Willow is suddenly surrounded by red beams of light, the lights spread over Piper and Buffy, Paige runs up and is bashed across the woods.)

Buffy: Paige!

(Phoebe runs to the portal, but is blown back, she stares at Paige, but she kicks her.)

Paige: Let me in!

Willow: Get away!

(Buffy stares at Paige, the woods blows up.)

[Scene: Manor. Time lapse. Piper is seen sat at the table, whilst Leo is healing Phoebe and Paige. Buffy leaves.]

Piper: Well, that was fun.

Paige: We still didn't kill Death though.

(Piper laughs.)

Piper: We did, Willow made the portal, she protected us from being killed. Whilst she killed Death.

(A young man appears.)

Paige: Who-?

Man: I'm the Angel of Death... And I'm here for you... (He's pointing to Paige, the others look shocked.)


End


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