Author's Chapter Notes:
Timeline:Just after 2.19 "Blood Oath"
A/N: I'm a Dax/Kira diehard fan, and I got mad at Kira too at first. Then I started to agree with her. This is the result.
Beta: No. All mistakes credit me.
Disclaimer: Not mine. I play with other people's toys.
"I can't believe you told Benjamin!"
"And I can't believe you went anyways! What's gotten into you, Jadzia? Why did you have that insane need to go off and try to kill someone you've never even met?" Kira's voice was harsh, angry, even more so then her girlfriend's if it was possible. Days of repressed worry and panic finally venting. A few years earlier, she would have joined a raiding party and taken out a Cardassian camp, but that kind of thinking wasn't going to help Bajor and it would have made her the worst kind of hypocrite. So instead, she yelled and tried not to cry with relief. "What were you thinking?" Jadzia met her gaze, but she'd be damned if it wasn't Curzon Dax who spoke next.
"You wouldn't understand. You couldn't." The former terrorist let out a strangled cry, torn between screaming in frustration or smacking the woman in front of her.
"I wouldn't understand what? Why you had to go on a suicidal mission with those drunk Klingons with a death wish to satisfy some blood oath? You're damn right I don't understand."
"No. I meant loyalty. You obviously wouldn't understand what it means to be willing to risk your life for someone because you care." Kira was incredulous. She just stared at Dax for a full minute before she could manage to speak.
"Who the hell do you think you are? The great Dax, the only person to ever truly understand what it means to owe somebody, to care about something more then your own life? I spent my entire life--"
"I've read your files. It's not the same thing and you know it."
"Read the files closer, Lieutenant. You have no idea what I had to do in the resistance. I did things I'm not proud of, things that make me wake up in the middle of the night. Some of my targets had names, faces. Some of them I had to understand to the point of them becoming my entire focus. But you're right about one thing. I never let it get personal. Because personal gets messy and messy can get you killed."
"So that's why you're so distant? Why you won't let me touch you unless we're alone? My god, Julian was right. You really are an Ice Queen." The moment the words left her mouth, the fury left Jadzia's face. Nerys stood frozen, her features still, barely breathing.
"Well at least I know where we stand." Kira choked, hating the way her voice cracked. Stiffly, she turned towards the door, only pausing when she reached the threshold and she heard Jadzia's soft voice break the silence.
"God, I didn't mean that." As she breathed through her mouth, the Bajoran woman tried to get control of her emotions before answering.
"Yes, you did. But I do care about you." Her voice was completely raw as it wavered, but she forced out the rest out because she knew she'd never get another chance. "Ironically, that's why I told the Commander. I didn't want to loose you."
But it didn't matter what was whose fault. She'd just lost the best thing in her life to a "blood oath" taken before either of them were born.
If only things hadn't gotten messy. If only she'd stayed detached. If only this mess could cost her her life, because it would hurt a lot less.
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