Author's Chapter Notes:
Timeline: 3.15 - Lady Heather's Box
A/N: Yes, there is jumping perspective between second person [you] (past), third person [she] (past) and first person [I] (present) but all from Sara's point of view. Confusing? Sorry.
A/N2: Written while listening to Melissa Etheridge's song with the same title.
Beta: Nada. As in none.
Disclaimer: Not mine. I play with other people's toys.
You knew she'd need a friend that morning. It didn't matter how she treated you earlier, what did matter was Catherine was hurting and she needed a friend. When Lindsey called, you were sitting by the phone, trying to decide if you should go over and if you did, if you should call first to make sure she didn't slam the door in your face. But Lindsey's sad, lost voice made your decision for you and you were pulling into Cath's driveway before you thought about what you were doing. You saw Grissom's car in the street and you considered asking him just what the hell he was doing when his friend was bound to be inside crying her heart out. But Catherine came first and you walked in without knocking, surprised it wasn't locked.
*Lindsey probably unlocked it.*
Soft sobs came from the master bedroom and you followed them, standing in the doorframe. Catherine was on her side, facing away from the door frame with her daughter hugging her. It was such an intimate, surreal moment you didn't want to intrude, so you just stood there, not making a sound.
Eventually, Lindsey looked over and gave a small smile when she saw Sara. Getting up, she kissed her mom on the head and left, leaving her alone with Catherine. Slowly, the blonde raised her head and looked at Sara, blinking, obviously unsure if the woman she'd screamed at earlier was actually there.
"Hey." Her features hardened and she sat up, suddenly angry.
"What are you doing here?" Her voice was harsh but it didn't have the usual punch that can make you feel like an idiot, probably because of the slight sob that escapes her. Sara just shrugged and stared at the wall behind her.
"I thought you might need a friend."
"I don't need you." The distain behind her words was thick and the younger CSI tried not to let Catherine how much she hurt her with those four words.
"It looks like I'm the only one here." Her reply was a little too light, but it had to be better then pity.
"Gil's outside." Catherine's voice came out flat, monotone.
"You knew about that?"
"He's always outside after an incident with Eddie." She cracked a smile. "It would be creepy if he didn't mean so well. It's his way of saying he's there for me without actually saying it." She immediately sobered, as if she remembered who she was talking to. She was always so ridged around Sara and because she couldn't get the girl responsible for Eddie's death it was even worse then before. "Lindsey called you, didn't she?" She wasn't sure if the truth was more or less likely to piss her off so the brunette tilted her head sideways and let her draw her own conclusions. "She shouldn't have done that." Catherine closed her eyes and leaned back, resting her head against the headboard.
"I was going to come over anyway. I didn't know about Grissom and..." *And what? I love you too much to abandon you even though you hate me? That'll go over well.*
"I didn't mean it." Her voice was soft and probably the closest thing to an apology anyone is likely to get from Catherine Willows. But Sara raised an eyebrow anyways. Catherine actually looked embarrassed. "Okay, I did mean it, but it wasn't true. It's just Eddie..." She gave another sob and hugged her knees to her chest. "God, do you believe this?"
The younger woman went to the bed and tentatively sat down next to her. Then she hugged her as Catherine fell apart, sobbing and gasping as she tried to breathe.
"I'm sorry." It surprises me when she says it. Not just because I thought she was asleep but also because I never expected her to say that to me of all people. Suddenly, she looks beautiful. Rumpled from crying and all of her defences down. It takes all of my control not to lean in and kiss her.
"It's alright." I have to get out of here before I do something stupid. "I'm over it." Another moment and I'm going to do something that gets me on Robbins's table.
"She shouldn't have called you. It wasn't playing fair." I untangle myself from her and stop myself short of smoothing her hair down.
"It's fine." Backing towards the door, I hesitate long enough to give her one last reassurance. "I'm okay with it. Eddie meant something to you and you couldn't do anything about it."
As I make my way out the room, I hear her call after me.
"And if you tell anyone about this, they'll never find your body. I know places in Vegas that even Grissom doesn't about!"
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