Author's Chapter Notes:
Pairing: Doyle/Harper (sorta), implied Rommie/Trance
Timeline: 5.09 - What Will Be Was Not
A/N: This was supposed to be a pure Doyle/Harper 'shipper fic. It didn't turn out that way. Lately, nothing I write ends the way it should.
A/N2: I don't think Harper's really this slimy. But when you're upset you don't think logically, even if you're an android.
A/N3: Thanks to GS for the 'ship. Even if it isn't really here. Writing Doyle crazy made me a little saner.
Beta: Insane Vampiress (http://www.fanfiction.net/u/293946/)
Disclaimer: Not mine. If they were, season 5 would have been a whole lot different.
She used to feel something, but now she's not sure. It's so strange, to know that she's not really her, like there's some part of her that's a different person. She used to get this feeling in her chest when Harper would smile at her in a certain way, or use one of his pet names for her. When that happened, she'd wonder if she was in love. But then she learned the truth and it made her question everything. How can she get butterflies in her stomach when she doesn't have a stomach? And who's to say if what she's feeling isn't left over from Rommie or something Harper programmed her to feel so she would sleep with him? It's like the whole world's different now that she knows what she is.
She's not mad at Harper, really. She knows he didn't tell her because he didn't want her to feel like a freak, like she's feeling now. But every time he looks at her, she knows he's seeing someone else. Not Doyle, but an earlier android who he loved for years.
It's the same with everyone else. When they talk to her, they call her Doyle but she knows they're thinking 'Rommie.' She wants to yell at them to stop pretending they keep her around for any reason other than as a reminder of their old friend. She wants to cry, too, but she can't, because Harper didn't give her tear ducts and it just seems so fake without them. Fake and hollow and empty.
How can she feel like this though, if she's not real? Why would Harper have programmed her to be able to feel this incredible self-loathing? Some sick game for his amusement? Or did he really think if she grew to hate herself so completely, she'd turn to him for comfort? Doyle's aware she's probably being paranoid, but she can't help it. She knows she's not imagining the wistful tone in their voices when they talk to her. They don't even bother to hide it, which is what really gets her because it's like she's not even worth the effort to spare her feelings. Only Trance comes close to knowing how she feels, what with both of them being not quite what the others want. But every now and then she gets memories of a relationship between her predecessor and Trance which unnerves her enough to keep the mysterious girl at a distance.
Doyle knows she's a pale comparison to Rommie and she's a harsh reminder to everyone else of the way their lives have changed since they were stranded here, but she can't really bring herself to care because they obviously don't care about her.
Although the power she has over the ship is kind of cool. Maybe she'll have some fun with the uptight hologram to cheer herself up.
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