...Mightier Than the Sword
A Fan Fiction Archive
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***
Klinger's POV.
***
It's coz I wear dresses all the time. I mean, I tell everyone it's for the section eight but I think sometimes they forget or something. I get mistaken for something I'm not. When it happens I guess they don't see a guy wearin' a dress to get outta the army but a kind of kindred spirit. But that just isn't me.

Radar was the first one. Boy, was I surprised! I'd never have guessed it in a gazillion years. Sure, sometimes he acted a bit...different, but I though that was just Radar being Radar. Now I know about it I can say "actually, there was this time when..." and "he was acting kinda odd when..." but then again, everyone around here acts kinda odd sometimes.

Still, the kid had a lotta guts to come out and say it like he did. Needless to say I was shocked. Really shocked. So shocked I let him get part-way into my dress before I stopped him. It wasn't the last time I had to sit someone down and explain that it really was all about the section eight and I wasn't that kind of man.

Next it was Hawkeye. To be fair he was really drunk, it being just after Trapper left. I was wearing my purple taffeta evening gown and he practically tore it right off me! I told him I wasn't interested but he kept slurring something about him and Trapper and "the good old days" which made me wonder exactly what those two got up to while Burns was on r'n'r.

I had my suspicions about Burns for a while, but he only ever sneered in my direction. Then one night before he left, I found a not under my pillow saying those sneers were only covering looks of longing. I marched right over there told him flat out that he wasn't going to get anywhere near my panties and to stay out of my tent!

Captain Hunnicut was another surprise I didn't see coming. He ended up sobbing on my floor saying that yes, he did love his wife, but this was something he just couldn't stop.

To be honest, it's starting to make me a little paranoid. I swear Father Mulchahy was staring at me all through morning service and Colonel Potter was eyeing me up all through lunch.

The new guy, Windchester, isn't as obvious as everyone else. But I knew, just plain knew, from the moment I met him. He's a little more...dignified than most of the people 'round here and, if I can let you in on a little secret, I'm not sure I'd mind.

But no, I'm only doin' this so I can get out of the army.
I'm not that kinda guy.

I do not lend dresses.


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