"You did find him, didn't you?" She asked softly.
Dana smiled. "Yes I did." She handed Sam the picture. "You have never met him, but this is Mulder."
And suddenly Sam understood. Fox Mulder, Dana's partner. She had never met him, but the last time they had met Dana had just been partnered with him. She had referred to him as 'cute, but a jerk'. Apparently time had changed her opinion and she had fallen in love with him. She didn't know how long they had actually been in a relationship, but somewhere, somehow, something had gone wrong.
"How long were you together?"
"We were involved about 3 months, when I found out I was expecting William. The moment I got the news of my pregnancy, I had just been told that Mulder had disappeared in the middle of a case. He hadn't allowed me to join him on that case, because I wasn't feeling well. Due to the pregnancy, but we did not know that at that time."
"He didn't know, but he did come back didn't he?"
Dana nodded. "After 3 months we found his body, we buried him and I though it was all over. I tried to accept that I would have to go on without him. The only thing that kept me going was the knowledge that I was carrying his child, the last thing I would have of him."
"But he wasn't dead, was he?"
Dana shook her head. "No, I know this is going to sound really strange and I don't have an explanation for it either, but he did come back. Three months after his funeral somebody found his body. Weak, but alive. It took weeks, but he recovered."
Sam had seen weirder things happen in her own work, so she was not really taken aback by what her friend was telling her. Instead she just nodded, encouraging her friend to continue.
"I can't go into too much detail, but the work we did, the X-files, did not exactly make us popular with certain people. People who would rather see us gone, because we knew too much. It was dangerous and I am well aware of the risks we took over time. We both lost things, people close to us, but the harder they tried to get us apart, the closer we became. So close that after 8 years we could no longer deny the fact that we loved each other. We were happy, even if it were only a few months, for the first time we were actually able to say we were really happy. Then Mulder disappeared and I found out I was pregnant."
"But he returned."
"He returned and we tried to pick up where we had left. A lot had happened and it wasn't easy, but we managed. There were problems, one of them being that from higher up they had finally succeeded in getting rid of Mulder. They fired him, not long after he returned. I had been put on desk duty, because of my pregnancy and even though it was hard to lose the X-files, we thought that after all these years we had finally found some peace. After William was born, I returned to work, but not to the X-files. I went back to teach at Quantico and Mulder stayed home to take care of William. We were willing to accept this new situation, because all we wanted was closure. We were ready to close the chapter and start a new one, but others decided for us that we did not deserve that right. Four months after William was born, Mulder ." She paused for a moment.
Sam thought she knew where this was going. "He died?"
"No, he didn't. I don't know exactly who, but somebody told Mulder that the only way to guarantee our safety would be by leaving. That would be the only way they would leave us alone."
"He had no choice but to leave." Sam concluded softly.
Dana nodded, tears in her eyes. "After all these years they had finally succeeded in what they had always been after. To separate us. I was sent to spy on him, to debunk his work, instead I became his closest supporter, his friend and lover and even the mother of his child. And that was not according to their plans."
"So they decided to make sure you would follow their plans. Your boss, wasn't there anything he could do about it?"
"Just as much as we could. Those people do not follow government's rules, Sam. They go so much deeper than that."
"Do you know where he is right now?"
"No, I know where he has been, but I never know his exact location. I get e-mails every now and then, but I never know whether he receives my reply. The moment I sent the reply, the e-mail address might not even exist anymore. All I can do is hope he gets them."
All of a sudden Sam didn't think her situation was that bad anymore. Granted, she was in love with a man she was not supposed to be in love with and she had yet to find the courage to tell him, at the risk of ruining their careers, but here was her friend who had lost so much over the years. Who had found that love and had thought they had finally found some peace together. However, they had not been given the luxury of a normal family and there was a baby boy who might never know his father. The unfairness of it all struck her and made her realize that there was more in life than work alone. It was nice to have a career, but a career did not hold you close at night. It did not love you or spend time with you when you didn't want to be alone. No matter how nice, her career did not make up for the fact that at the end of the day she would always come home to an empty house. Unless she would take matters into her own hands.
"Will you . do you think you'll see him again?"
"Yes." It was said with such determination that Sam looked at her in admiration.
Dana smiled when she saw Sam's reaction. "I will find him, Sam. Giving up is not an option in this case. My friends, my family, they understand that I miss him, that I want to see him, but even though they say they understand, they will never fully understand, because only the two of us know what it feels like, what we are going through."
"Is there anything I could do for you?"
"There's only one thing: talk to Jack. We live by the choices we make. Don't let go of love, it's too valuable to lose. Cherish it, no matter what the risks are."
"I'd really like it if we could stay in touch this time. Maybe you and William can come to Colorado some time?"
"Maybe."
Sam looked at Dana's face, realizing that they might stay in contact for a while, but sooner or later she would call or write and she might not get an answer anymore. If Mulder would come back he might have to leave again and this time he would not leave alone. The next time Mulder would leave, she and William would go with him. Sam was sure of that, as sure as she was about her feelings for Jack O'Neill now.
"I'd like that. I erm . I think I should go now. He might still be awake." She got up from the couch.
Dana got up too and guided her to the door. "Good luck, Sam. I hope you will find what you are looking for."
Sam looked at her and smiled. "I hope you will find it too, Dana."
"Thank you. Good-bye, Sam."
"Good-bye." After a last hug the friends really said good-bye and Sam left.
It was in the middle of the night or at least it felt like it was the middle of the night, when a soft but persistent knocking on the door of his hotel room waked Jack O'Neill up.
Grumbling he rolled out of bed, grabbed a shirt and pulled it over his head, wondering whom on earth had had the nerve to wake him up from a really nice dream about his 2IC. Looking through the peephole he saw it was the subject herself. "What on earth?" He mumbled, opening the door. "Carter?"
"Jack." She greeted him.
Jack? She had just called him Jack? What about Sir? "Erm . what are you doing here? In case you didn't notice, it is ." he looked at his watch "1 am and I was asleep. This better be urgent or ."
All she said was "we need to talk."
The End