Rating: G -- This story is squeaky clean!
Archive: I'd love for anyone to archive it, just please ask first. I only want to know where the story is going to be.
Disclaimer: Any characters and settings that may appear in this story are property of Marvel Comics/Fox Studios/Bryan Singer or whoever... The song "I Love You" belongs to Sarah McLachlan.
Feedback: Yes, please -- firstname.lastname@example.org.
Summary: Rogue wonders if she could have said something to make Logan stay.
Whenever I dream -- and it isn't very often anymore -- I dream of Logan. Whenever the nightmares subside for a few precious hours, I can see him as clearly as if he were here. And I can touch him, skin on skin, no gloves or scarves or heavy coats. He's very warm and a little fuzzy. I hold him and he rests his head on my chest and takes my hands in his. Sometimes, he'll stay that way and sleep, no nightmares, no terrified groans. Other times, he will talk to me. We talk about anything and everything. I tell him about my life at school and he tells me about whatever he has found out about his past. Once, he even kissed me. I'm not sure if it was because he wanted to or if I wanted him to. I'd like to think it was the first.
How we can be so close, I don't know. He touched me to save me up on that statue, so high above the world. I think there's a link between us now and I hope it won't fade. I feel stupid for admitting it, but I like having him in my head. I like that he's always with me.
I remember the day he left. It wasn't long after he had recovered from the damage that I had caused. I saw him leaving and I wanted to say something to him, something that he wouldn't forget. You runnin' again. It was all I could think of -- he said that to me on the train when he came to take me home. He playfully flicked at the white streak in my hair, almost touching my cheek. I kinda like it. I wanted to beg him not to go, but I couldn't find the words. I tried not to cry as he took my gloved hand and placed his dog tags in my palm, closing my fingers over them. I think he knew how much I wanted him to stay.
So why did he leave?
Maybe I didn't try hard enough. Or maybe I'm just a stupid little girl and he felt sorry for me. He loved Jean. Not me...Jean. Sometimes I hate her for it even though I know it's not her fault. I see how she looks at Scott and how he looks at her. Even if Logan tried to get her, she was already in love with someone else who was very much in love with her.
I wait for night even though it's the nightmares that almost always wait for me. Almost always. Sometimes I dream of him... And sometimes I just lie awake in the dark, unable to fight off the cold that seems to come from the inside.
Some nights, the dreams become nightmares. He's with me and we are quiet and content. Then he turns and looks at me, willing me to say what I feel. And I can't. I can't find the words to express how I feel about him. I wonder if I even know the words. Then he leaves. He leaves my dreams like he left my life and then I can't stop crying. One night, it came to me. It was so simple. I should have told him how I felt because he wanted to hear it. I know what I should have said: I should have told him that I love him.