Rogue almost ran into Jubilee and Kitty on her way to her room. "Woah, Girl, slow down there!" Jubilee said as Rogue came to a halt. "Where ya goin’ in such a hurry?"
"Out."
"Out? Out’s that way," Jubilee said, pointing to the direction of the front entrance to the mansion. "Besides, it’s dinner time."
"I’m skippin’ dinner. I just need to get something from the room."
"What do you mean you’re skipping dinner?" Kitty asked. "You’re not developing some type of eating disorder are you? Those are practically and epidemic among girls our age, you know."
Rogue snorted. "Me? Eating disorder? Not hardly. I’m going to eat somewhere else."
"Alone?" Jubilee asked skeptically.
"Um, probably not."
"You goin’ with Logan?"
"Dammit, Jubes, leave me alone about him, okay!"
Jubilee held her hands up in front of her. "Hey, don’t get bitchy on me. I just asked if you’re goin’ with the guy or not."
"Yeah, I’m goin’ with him. Now if you don’t mind, I’m in a hurry."
Rogue was just about to run off when Bobby and St. John came down the hall. "Evening, Ladies," Bobby said. He looked over at Jubilee. "And you."
She stuck her tongue out. Bobby laughed and said, "Well, maybe I was wrong. That was quite lady-like of you."
"Go to Hell, Drake."
Bobby shook his head. "No thanks, I’d melt."
Rogue was about to use their banter as cover to sneak past them, when St. John noticed her. "Where are you going, Rogue?" he asked.
"Uh, my room."
"Skipping dinner?"
"She’s going out with Wolverine," Jubilee said.
Bobby whipped his head around to look at Rogue. "Is she serious?" he asked.
"Yeah. Got a problem with it?"
"Actually, yes, I do," Bobby said. "The last time he left he left you in tears and then he didn’t even bother to write you the whole time he was gone. You were devastated, and now that you’ve just started getting over it you’re gonna let him do it to you all over again."
Rogue planted her fists on her hips. "Logan’s my friend. I can go out with him if I want."
"Friend? Yeah, right. You’re just dying to give him a chance to get back in your life and break your heart all over again so you can go back to being poor, pitiful, untouchable Rogue."
Rogue’s jaw dropped. "How dare you! You’re just jealous because I care about Logan more than I ever will about you." She pushed past Kitty and Jubilee and went into her room, slamming the door.
"Real smooth there, Bobby," St. John said once Rogue was gone.
"Yeah, like she needed something to upset her more," Kitty added.
Bobby ran his hand through his hair. "I…I didn’t mean it, really. It just came out. Should I go talk to her and try to patch things up?"
Jubilee shook her head. "I wouldn’t. She’s not going to be in the mood to listen to you right now. I’d give her a little time to cool down."
Bobby looked back at the closed door. "Yeah, you’re probably right." He started walking towards the dining hall and the others silently followed.
Logan was leaning up against Scott’s motorcycle, smoking a cigar when Marie got down to the garage.
"You’re late."
"Sorry. I got ambushed."
Logan tossed her a helmet. "Get on."
Marie nodded and put on the helmet. She’d never ridden a motorcycle before, but she had enough of Logan’s memories that she figured she could even drive the thing if she needed to. "Where we goin’?"
"A place in town."
"Do I get any more of a description than that?"
"Nope."
"You said there’s food, right?"
"You really are hungry, ain’t ya, Kid?"
"I missed lunch lookin’ for you."
Logan looked surprised for a second, but soon fell back into his apathetic stance. "I’ll feed ya. Just get on the bike."
Marie climbed on the motorcycle behind Wolverine. "I’m glad you’re back, Logan," she said before he started the engine.
"Yeah, Kid, so am I."
He took her to a bar. It was dark and smoky, but the food was surprisingly good and it reminded her of the first time they’d met. "Can I at least have somethin’ else to drink?" Rogue after they’d eaten.
"You’re stickin’ with water."
Marie sighed. "I want a beer."
"You’re too young."
"It’s your personality that wants one, Logan."
"Don’t pull that on me. You’re nineteen. You don’t need to be drinkin’."
"I’m not a kid."
"Yes you are."
Marie rested her chin in her hands and sulked. "So why did you bring me here anyway? I could sit around and not drink at the mansion."
Logan frowned. "I wanted to spend a little time with ya. Talk to ya some, see how you’ve been."
"We could’ve done that at the mansion, too."
"That place makes me feel trapped, Marie."
"Why?"
"I don’t know, just the whole atmosphere. Makes me feel like I’m in a cage."
Marie gave him a wry smile. "And all this time I thought you liked cages."
"Not that kind."
"There are people there that care about you, Logan. People that honestly want you around and who don’t like it when you’re gone. People who you mean something to. You won’t find that in any of those other cages."
Defiance shone in his eyes. "Maybe I don’t need that."
Rogue met his gaze. "Maybe you do."
Marie was the first one to break the silence that followed. "If it makes you feel so trapped, Logan, then why do you come back?"
He let the question roll off him. "Make sure you guys don’t get to use to not havin’ me around. Keep Scooter on his toes some, too."
Marie bristled at his answer, wishing more than anything that he’d said he came back for her. "Gotta make sure you’re takin’ care of those tags, too," Logan added after a moment. Marie relaxed and smiled at him.
"So why did you go up to Canada this time?" Marie asked.
"Had some stuff I had to do."
"The Professor uncovered more leads?"
"Yeah."
"Any luck."
"Not really."
"Tell me about it?"
Logan took a drink from his beer. "It’s nothin’ you need to know, Kid."
"But I want to know, Logan," Marie said.
"Well you don’t need to!"
His tone was sharper than he meant for it to be, and he could see the tears forming in Marie’s eyes. He reached out across the table, but didn’t actually touch her. "Look, I’m sorry Marie, I didn’t mean for that to sound the way it did."
Marie stood up from the booth. "It doesn’t matter!" she yelled. "You don’t want to let me know anything about you! You don’t even care about me!"
She ran out of the bar, leaving Logan alone at the booth, stunned.
Marie was waking outside the bar towards she didn’t even know where. All she knew was she wanted away from Logan. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, and the cool night air was chilling them on her face.
"Kid…" Logan’s hand clamped down on her shoulder and Marie wrenched herself free.
"I didn’t want you to follow me."
"Well I couldn’t exactly just let ya come out here by yourself. It’s cold and dark and we ain’t exactly in the best part of town."
Marie sank down on the curb at the edge of the parking lot and began to sob. Logan sat beside her. "What’s wrong, Marie?"
"You don’t know?"
"No, I don’t."
Marie looked up at him and the sight of her tear-streaked face made him wince. "You don’t care about me," she said softly.
"That’s what you said back in the bar, but I don’t know why you think that," Logan said. "It isn’t true."
Marie started crying harder. "You’re always leavin’ me and when ya do, ya can’t even write or call or anythin’ to let me know you still exist—that you know I exist. And you don’t even come back for me. You come back for your damn dogtags!" To emphasize her point she took them off and threw them on the ground.
Logan stared at the tags, dumbfounded. "Marie…I had no idea. I’m…I’m sorry."
Marie looked up at him. She knew an apology from the Wolverine didn’t come easily. He looked into her eyes. They were timid, expecting. He picked up the dogtags and put them back in her hand. "I do care about you," he said. "And I don’t just come back for these. I come back for you, too. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Marie. Whenever things seem too dark, like I’m not gonna make it, I think of you, your smile, and I know I’m gonna be all right."
Soft tears fell from her eyes, and Logan wiped them away. "You said you’d protect me, Logan," she said. "How can you protect me when you’re always gone?"
Logan wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. "I’m never gonna stop protectin’ you, Marie. Even when I’m gone, I’d always come back if you needed me. But you’re safe at Xavier’s. There are plenty of people there t’make sure you’re safe."
Marie relished the warmth and strength of him so close to her. "But none of them are you, Logan."
Logan kissed the top of her head. "I know, Darlin’, but sometimes less than what you want has to be enough."
Marie lay on her bed, trying her best to concentrate so she could study for the final exam in calculus she had coming up. Jubilee came bursting into the room, holding five large shopping bags in one hand and dragging Kitty behind her with the other. "Rogue! Emergency! Kit’s finally got a date with Peter! Ya gotta help me dress her!"
"It’s really not that big of a deal…" Kitty protested. "I mean we’re only going to the movies, and it’s not like what I’m wearing is going to make that much of a difference…"
"Ah! No wonder you’re single!" Jubilee exclaimed. "The clothes make all the difference!"
"I’m sure anything I pick from what we bought together today will be fine…" Kitty said.
"Of course anything will be ‘fine!’ You need more than simply ‘fine.’ You need perfect."
Rogue closed her calculus book with a sigh. "Be quick about it, y’all. I have finals the day after tomorrow, and there’s no way I’m even gonna pull a ‘D’ on my calc exam unless I do some serious studying."
"This won’t take long. Kitty, show Rogue all the outfits."
Kitty sighed. "But Jubilee…"
"I don’t want to hear any whining! Only I get to whine in this room! Now start trying on clothes!"
Rogue flopped back on her bed and waited for Kitty to change, knowing it would be a while before she got a chance to study more.
Two hours and countless outfits later, Jubilee decided that Kitty should definitely wear the first one she’d tried on. "Are y’all done now?" Rogue asked once the dress had been decided upon.
"Sure! I just have to get her all ready now," Jubilee said. "Don’t mind us…just go back to your studying."
"I was planning on it."
"Good. Now come on Kitty. Time to find you a pair of shoes."
"You didn’t buy her shoes, too?" Rogue asked, half-sarcastically.
"Nah, I have plenty of shoes to go around."
"You have plenty of dresses to go around, too."
Jubilee looked at Rogue as if she’d just swallowed a bug. "You can’t wear a borrowed dress on your first date with the man of your dreams. It’s bad luck!"
"Oh please. You made that up."
"I did not! Jeez, didn’t they teach you anything in Mississippi?"
"Obviously they didn’t teach me calculus," Rogue grumbled.
"Well, the dress thing is more important to remember than calculus," Jubilee said.
"Somehow I doubt it’ll help me graduate from college."
"Well it should. Come on, Kit. Time to dress your feet."
Rogue turned her concentration back on her studying. About five minutes later, she heard Jubilee ask, "Hey Rogue, what about these?"
Rogue looked up and saw Jubilee’s hand sticking out from the closet, dangling a pair of shoes. "They look fine to me," Rogue said.
"I don’t like open-toed shoes," Kitty said.
"Why not?" Jubilee asked.
"I have ugly toes."
"Please, you do not."
"Do, too. I’m not wearing them."
Jubilee gave an exaggerated sigh. "Fine. Nothing open-toed." She resumed her digging. "How about these?"
"They could work," Kitty said.
"Rogue? What do you think?" Jubilee asked.
"They’re fine," Rogue said without looking up.
"So you don’t think the red will clash with the blue?" Jubilee said.
"Uh-uh."
"Rogue, the shoes are white."
Rogue groaned. "Any shoes you pick will be fine, Jubilee. You are the mansion’s resident fashion expert after all."
"But I need a second opinion!"
"And I need to pass calculus!"
"Fine. But if Kitty’s date is a bomb, it’s your fault!"
"Huh? My date’s gonna be a bomb?"
"Of course not, Hun. Just trying to put Rogue on a guilt trip."
Rogue shut her book and started shoving her stuff into a bookbag. "Well, it isn’t working. As a matter of fact, I’m going downstairs so you guys can figure this out without driving me insane. Good luck tonight, Kit. Be sure to tell me all the juicy details." She grabbed the bookbag and left the room.
Jubilee put her hands on her hips. "Well aren’t some people just no fun."
Rogue went down to the library, figuring that might be at least one place where no one would bother her. Twenty minutes later, she found out she was wrong.
"Hey, Rogue," Bobby Drake said as he walked in and sat down across from her at the table. "Whatcha doin’?"
"Tryin’ to up my chances of passing my calculus finals from ‘none whatsoever’ to ‘slight,’" Rogue said without looking up.
"I’m majoring in accounting," Bobby said. "Maybe I could help you."
"Alright, what’s the answer to this question?" Rogue asked, pointing to one of the problems in her textbook.
Bobby grimaced. "Okay, they don’t teach you stuff quite like that in accounting. Why in the world are you taking this class anyway? I thought you were going for a degree in education, not engineering."
"I am. But my adviser is evil and told me this would be a good class to have under my belt."
"Do you need it to graduate?"
"No, but I’d like to stay on the Dean’s List if I could, and the only way that’s gonna happen is if I ace this exam."
"All right. I won’t bother you then," Bobby said, tapping his fingers on the table.
Rogue tried to ignore him, but it became increasingly more difficult. "Bobby, could you maybe…" she started.
"Sure, no problem," Bobby said, getting up and moving to the other side of the room. He absentmindedly took a book off the shelf and pretended to be reading it, but Rogue could tell he was paying a lot more attention to her than to Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility.
With Bobby watching her, and it made it next to impossible for Rogue to concentrate. Finally, she got up and left, mumbling some excuse about leaving something important in her room.
Once out in the hallway, Marie ran into Logan. "Hey, Kid where you headed?" Logan asked.
"Some place where I can get some friggin’ peace and quiet," Marie said.
"What’s wrong?"
"Oh, I just have to study for my calculus final—which is the day after tomorrow—and Jubilee’s in our room playing fashion consultant for Kitty, and Bobby’s in the library checking me out," Marie explained.
"Do you want me to take ya somewhere where you can be away from all of them?"
"Promise you won’t start annoying me, too?"
"I can’t promise it," Logan said. "But I’ll do my best."
"That’ll have to do," Marie replied.
Logan smiled. "Then let’s go."
"Thanks for getting me out of there, Logan," Marie said, once they were in a car and on the highway.
"No problem, Kid. You looked like ya needed it."
"I did. This exam has me at the end of my rope."
"I’m sure you’ll do fine," Logan said. "You’re smart, Marie."
"Thanks, Logan."
Marie suddenly reached down and grabbed the volume knob on the radio, turning up so it was blaring even with the windows rolled down. Logan grinned at the delighted look on her face. "This is my favorite song!" she exclaimed. "They hardly ever play it."
There’s a soft rain tappin' on your window
There's a cool breeze blowin' off the bay
And a warm flame dancin' with our shadows
To music playin' far away
I never meant to stay an hour
I thought that I was passing through
Another town along the highway
I never meant to fall for you
But I can't speak for you Maria
I only know the way I feel
When I sleep with you, Maria
There's nothing left for dreams to steal
On a Bible by the mirror
The only treasures that we hold
The only secrets that we're keepin'
A watch, a chain, a cross of gold
Marie sang along with the radio. Logan chuckled in amusement at the way she managed to be slightly off key and still sing well.
"You do realize your name is Marie and not Maria, don’t ya," Logan teased.
"Close enough," Marie said before resuming her singing.
When the sunlight brings the mornin'
I can't tell you what I'll do
But I've a mind to take you with me
And I've got a heart to stay with you
When I sleep with you, Maria
There's nothing left for dreams to steal
On a Bible by the mirror
The only treasures that we hold
The only secrets that we're keepin'
A watch, a chain, a cross of gold
When I sleep with you, Maria
There's nothin' left for dreams to steal
The song ended and Marie pouted a little. Logan had to admit, she was cute. And with the windows rolled down and the wind blowing her hair around her face she looked, well, beautiful. "She’s gonna make some man very lucky someday," Logan thought.
Then another thought hit Logan. What if he was that man? He shook it away as quickly as it came. Marie was too young, too innocent, for someone like him. Still, part of him wanted that, a woman as unlike him as Marie was. But he knew he couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair to her. In the end, he’d only hurt her.
Logan focused forward and continued to drive.
Logan brought Marie to a secluded spot by a lake. "It’s quiet here," he told her. "No one ever comes around. I go here to think sometimes."
Marie smiled, taking in the beautiful scenery. "Thank you, Logan. I think I’ll be able to concentrate here."
"Do you want me to leave you alone for awhile?"
"No, that’s okay. I don’t mind having you around."
Logan smiled. "All right. I’ll try not to bother ya then."
Marie sat down with her books by a tree and Logan sat a little ways down from her. He watched Marie as she leaned over her work, her hair falling forward, the sun hitting the white and making it shimmer. She brushed her hair behind her ear, and Logan could see her face, perfect like that of a porcelain doll. Her lips were parted slightly and her features were set in determination. Her beauty made Logan’s breath catch.
Logan wanted his thoughts to move away from the disturbing turn they had taken, but there was nothing he could do to stop them. Marie was breathtaking. She frowned and erased a problem. She started scribbling vigorously, stared at her work, then frowned and erased again.
"Havin’ problems, Darlin’?"
Marie looked up and her big, brown eyes pierced right through him. "I can’t figure out how to do this," she said.
"Let me take a look at it."
Marie laughed. "I don’t know how much help you’d be, Logan."
Wolverine looked at her with mock offense. "Hey, I might just be smarter than I look."
"All right, Big Guy, come take a look at this."
Logan walked over and sat down next to Marie. He took the book from her and asked, "Which one?"
"Number eighteen in the review section."
He read over the problem for a few seconds, then took the paper and pencil from beside Marie. He brushed against her as he leaned over and she gave a small gasp at his close proximity. Logan tried not to concentrate on how warm and soft she felt.
He worked the problem out, then showed Marie the answer he’d got. "This right, Kid?"
She looked at his results, then flipped to the back of the book to double-check. "Yeah, it is. How…how did you know that?"
Logan shrugged. "Don’t know. That happens sometimes. I do things that I don’t remember learnin’ how to do."
"Maybe you were a calculus professor once," Marie said with a giggle.
"Somehow I doubt that."
"No, really, I could totally see that," Marie said, laughing harder.
"Hey, I figure out the problem for ya and all you can do is laugh at me? Do you want me to show you how I did it or not?"
Marie composed herself. "Sure, Logan. Thanks."
Logan gave her a nod and started his explanation.
Logan opened his bedroom door to an ecstatic Marie. "Guess what?" she asked with a huge grin.
"You just won the Stanley Cup Finals?"
She hit him on the shoulder. "No! I passed my calculus exam." She held up a piece of paper. "See—I got an ‘A’!"
Logan pulled her into a hug. "I’m proud of ya, Kid."
"I couldn’t have done it without you, Logan."
"Sure you could have."
"Nope. You saved me this time."
"Isn’t that my job?"
Marie giggled. "Yup."
"So what do you say we go somewhere and celebrate?"
"Will you buy me a beer?" Marie asked.
"What is it with you and tryin’ to talk me into gettin’ ya drunk?"
"Like I said before, it’s your personality."
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Logan…"
"Do you want to go out at all?"
Marie pouted. "Fine, but when I finally turn twenty-one, you’re taking me drinking with you."
Logan smiled. "If you really think you can keep up with me, it’s a deal. Now how about we just go get a pizza or something?"
"Sounds good to me," Marie replied. "Let’s go."
Logan wrapped his arm around her waist and they walked out together.
Marie stared down at her plate. "You know what goes well with pizza…"
"Marie, no."
"Why not?"
"You ain’t legal."
"I am in some countries."
"Not in the States."
"When did you care about legality anyway?"
"Eat your pizza."
"Logan…"
"Look, Marie, I’ve already corrupted you enough with all my memories in your head. I’m not gonna take away anymore of your innocence than I have to."
"Logan, it wouldn’t exactly be my first beer. Besides, you already said you’d take me drinking when I turn twenty-one."
Logan ran his hand through his already-ruffled hair. The thoughts he’d had about her the day he’d took her out to study came back to him again and he had a sudden fear that he would do something to take away the naiveté he so admired in her. "Look, Marie, what you do when you’re not around me is one thing, but I’m not going to encourage you to do things you shouldn’t when I am around."
Marie gave him a confused look. "Since when?"
"Look, Kid some things just ain’t right, okay?" Logan yelled.
"Are we still talking about beer? Because I’m twenty now, and I don’t see how one drink now as opposed to next year is really all that big of a deal. Besides, you look a little flushed."
"Can we talk about something else?"
"Logan, what’s wrong with you? You’re actin’ really strangely…Even for you."
"I just…I just want to talk about something else."
Marie considered pushing the issue, trying to figure out what really had Logan so worked up, but decided against it. "Fine, Logan. So how was your day?"
Marie still expected Logan to leave this time. She braced herself for it, spending time with him when she could, but not letting him get too close. She wouldn’t let him catch her off guard this time.
Time went by, first weeks, then months, and Logan didn’t leave.
So Marie let her guard down. She let herself be comfortable around him. He still didn’t leave.
She spent her twenty-first birthday with him. With her finally legal, he gave into her constant pleas to let her drink.
It didn’t take long for Logan to have a very drunk Marie on his hands.
She giggled as Logan carried her up to her room. "You know I can walk," Marie told him as they entered the mansion.
"All right, Darlin’, whatever you say," Logan said as he put her down on the ground.
Marie immediately fell to the ground. She looked up at him. "Okay, maybe not."
"I didn’t think you could," Logan said as he picked her back up.
Marie nuzzled up against him as he carried her up towards her room. "Why don’t you ever tell me what you’ve found in Canada?" she asked as they started up the stairs.
"I haven’t found much."
"I know, but you’ve found something. Why don’t you ever tell me?"
Logan sighed. "Ya don’t need t’know."
"That’s what you always say. What do you mean by that?"
Logan pushed one of the white streaks in her hair out of her eyes. "I’ve already saddled you with enough of my burden, Marie, what my memories and nightmares. I don’t need to give you any more."
"You’re always sayin’ stuff like that. Why do you worry so much that you’re gonna corrupt me?"
Logan grimaced, trying to ignore the fact that Marie had as of late been the star of more than one of his fantasies—a fact that disturbed him as much as it intrigued him. "Somethin’ else you don’t need to know, Marie."
Before Marie could say anything else, they were at her door. He opened it and carried her in, lying her down on her bed. He took off her jacket and boots and covered her with a blanket. "Sleep tight, Kid, ‘cause you’re gonna have one hell of a hangover in the mornin’."
Marie smiled as her eyes closed. "That’s all right. It was worth it to get to spend time with you like this."
"I’ll remind you of that in the mornin’. Night, Marie."
"Night Logan." She rolled over on her side. "I love you."
Logan stared down at her, his eyes wide open. "What?"
"I love you. And I mean it, too. Not just the alcohol talkin’."
Logan tried to think of something to say but soon realized he didn’t have to. Her breathing told him she was already asleep.
By the time the sun came up the next morning, Logan had run again.
Late the following afternoon, Rogue went to Logan’s room. The door was unlocked and she was surprised to find he wasn’t there. She looked towards his closet and found that some of his clothes and duffel bag were gone, too. With a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, Marie ran from the room and down to the garage. Logan’s motorcycle—the one he’d bought when Scott had said if he took his one more time he’d find a way to kill him—was gone. Marie sank to her knees and sobbed. He’d left and he hadn’t even told her good-bye.
She clung to the dogtags she wore around her neck and wished it would all go away, that she would wake up back in her bed in Mississippi to find that everything—that Logan—was just a dream. She wanted the pain she was feeling to somehow cease to be real.
"Rogue?"
Marie didn’t look up when she heard her name called. She knew that voice, and she didn’t want to talk.
"Rogue, why are you on the floor of the garage?"
"You’re the telepath, you tell me," Rogue said, trying to hide the pain in her voice with sarcasm.
Jean knelt down in front of her. "I know you’re hurting right now, Rogue, but he’ll come back. He always does."
"That doesn’t matter anymore," Rogue said. "I don’t care if he comes back. I don’t even want him to come back. I never wanted him to leave!"
Jean looked at Rogue the way an adult would a child who lost a beloved toy. "You’re just upset now. You’ll be so busy with your life soon enough, and you’ll barely even notice the time go by before Logan’s back again."
Rogue looked into Jean’s eyes, her expression almost pleading. "Don’t you understand? I lose whatever life I’ve built every time Logan leaves! He comes back, makes me whole, and then he breaks me again so I’m left alone to pick up the pieces! God, Jean, why?!" Rogue began to sob again.
Jean could feel the pain and betrayal radiating off Rogue. She’d always known that Rogue felt something other than friendship for Logan, but it wasn’t until that moment that she realized just how deep those feelings ran. "I’m sorry, Rogue. I’m sorry for how much this hurts you."
"Why?" Rogue asked again. "Why does he do this to me?"
"I don’t know. I guess it’s just his way."
"He wouldn’t do this if you were the one who loved him! He’d never leave you!"
"I don’t think Logan would be able to commit to me anymore than he would to anyone else."
"How do you know? I’ve seen the way he looks at you."
"I know because I’ve see the way he looks at me, too," Jean said. "And that isn’t commitment in his eyes."
"Why do you say that?" Rogue asked.
"Because it isn’t the way Scott looks at me."
"How do you know how Scott looks at you when he’s wearin’ those glasses all the time?"
Jean laughed a little. "Believe me, Rogue, I know."
Rogue tried to suppress her tears, but instead they came out as a whimper. "I want him to love me, Jean. I want him to love me the way Scott loves you!"
"I know, Sweetie, but sometimes things in life don’t work out the way we want them to." Jean pulled Rogue over to her and hugged the younger girl.
"I can’t believe he just left! He didn’t even tell me good-bye."
Jean frowned. "Now that isn’t like him. Are you sure he didn’t at least leave you a note or anything?"
Rogue shook her head. "He didn’t. I just found out he’s gone. I went to his room and I came down here and…" She pulled away from Jean, pointed to the empty place where Logan’s motorcycle should’ve been, and began her weeping again.
"I’m so sorry, Rogue. I don’t know what would make Logan do that. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it. You know how he is."
"I don’t know why he would either, I…" Rogue stopped short as the hazy memories of the night before became clearer. She turned ashen as she remembered telling Logan she loved him. She stood up, her movements stiff, almost mechanical. "I have to go," she told Jean.
"What is it?" Jean asked as she got up.
"I just have to go," Rogue said, too embarrassed of the drunken admission she’d made to Wolverine to tell anyone what she’d said. "Thanks for talkin’ to me, Jean."
Puzzled, Jean watched Rogue as the girl walked out of the garage.
Rogue wandered through the mansion and up to her room, barely noticing the people and things she almost bumped into. Logan had run again, and this time, she knew why. She’d told him the truth and he hadn’t wanted to hear it. She couldn’t shake the feeling that he wasn’t ever coming back.
It hurt almost as much as the knowledge that Logan really didn’t love her.
She went into her room and curled up on her bed. She didn’t even notice Kitty sitting at the computer.
"Rogue? Are you okay? You look a little pale," Kitty said.
Rogue didn’t respond. "Rogue? You in there? Say something, you’re making me nervous."
Silence. Kitty walked over to the bed. "Rogue? Are you okay? Please, answer me."
Rogue looked up and noticed Kitty for the first time. "Oh, hi Kitty. I thought you were meeting Peter for dinner."
Kitty frowned. "That isn’t for another couple of hours. Rogue, what’s wrong with you?"
"Where are y’all going?"
"Huh? Who? Going where?"
"You and Peter?"
"A restaurant downtown. Really, Rogue, you don’t look so good. And you’re acting, well, strange."
"That’s nice. I’m gonna take a nap, all right?"
"Rogue? Talk to me! What’s wrong?"
"Nothing’s wrong with me. I don’t want to talk." Rogue rolled over and closed her eyes.
Kitty went downstairs and found Scott and Jean talking. "Um, I hate to bother you guys, but I’m worried about Rogue."
Jean frowned, thinking back on the conversation she’d had with Rogue in the garage and the strange way Rogue had walked away. "Why?"
"She just came upstairs, and I can tell something’s wrong with her, but she keep insisting she’s fine and asking me about my date with Peter instead. I don’t know, she seems a little dazed to me."
"Dammit," Scott muttered. "Why does he do this? Does he even stop to think about the effect his actions have on others? And he calls me a dick…"
"Would someone please tell me what’s going on?" Kitty asked.
"Logan’s gone again," Jean explained. "Apparently Rogue’s taking it even harder than she has in the past."
"She really didn’t think that he was going to leave this time," Kitty said.
"You know, if I ever get my hands on him…" Scott began.
"Really, Honey, killing Logan isn’t going to do any good for anyone," Jean said.
"Sure would make me feel better," Scott replied.
"Where is Rogue now?" Jean asked.
"When I left her she was taking a nap," Kitty said.
Jean nodded. "That’s probably what’s best for her now. I’ll talk to her when she wakes up."
"Do you think she’ll be all right?" Kitty asked.
Jean put a reassuring hand on Kitty’s shoulder. "Don’t worry. I’m sure everything will turn out just fine."
Rogue woke up a few hours later. She paused as she looked up and saw Jean Grey sitting beside her bed. "Jean, what are you doing in here?"
"Kitty said you seemed really upset and I came in to check on you."
"Oh."
"How are you feeling now?"
"Terrible."
"Rogue, when you left the garage earlier, you looked like you had suddenly remembered something you didn’t want to know. What’s wrong."
Rogue sighed, figuring she might as well get it out. "I know why Logan left."
"Why?"
Rogue started to cry a little. "I told him I loved him and I guess he doesn’t want to be around me anymore."
Jean wanted to hunt Logan down and slap him upside the head for being an idiot and making Rogue feel as awful as she did. She brushed a few stray pieces of white hair away from Rogue’s eyes. "I’m sure he still wants to be around you. He probably just needed some time to himself to think about how you voicing your feelings changed things between the two of you. He’ll be back."
Rogue cried harder. "Why does he have this effect on me?" she asked. "Why, Jean?! I don’t even want to care! It hurts so much, but I can’t stop!"
"You’re in love. Being in love isn’t always easy."
"How do you know? You have Scott. He’s like, perfect."
"Trust me, Scott is not perfect," Jean said with a wry grin. "And we didn’t exactly just fall into a happy little fairy-tale romance the moment we met, either. It took a long time for Scott and I to realize just what we have together."
"What do you mean?" Rogue asked. "I always figured for you two it was love at first sight."
Jean chuckled. "Oh it was. It was just also uncertainty at first sight, too. Scott didn’t think I could ever feel for him what he felt for me and vice-versa. We spent the longest time skating around the issue of a relationship."
"But why? It’s so obvious you two are meant to be."
"Yeah, well, that wasn't so clear to us back then. But everything turned out okay in the end, and I’m sure it will with you, too."
"Not with Logan it won’t."
"Rogue, I know you don’t want to hear this, but there are other men out there besides Logan."
"I know…but Logan’s…special."
"That’s a nice way putting it."
Rogue giggled, then frowned again. "There might be other guys out there, but who’s out there for me? Bobby?"
"You could always give it a shot."
"I don’t know, Jean. I like Bobby, but I’m just not sure how much. Maybe if I’d never met Logan…"
"You don’t have to meet the man of your dreams anytime soon, Rogue. You’re only twenty-one—you have plenty of time for that."
"But you knew Scott by the time you were twenty-one." Rogue pointed out.
"That’s true," Jean said, "But most people don’t meet the person they’ll spend the rest of their life with this young. Look at the Professor. God only knows how old he is, and he’s still single."
Rogue giggled again. "Thanks Jean."
"For what?"
"For talking to me. For making me feel better. I think you’ve made the pain of losing Logan—again—a little more bearable."
"Glad I could help."
"Are you going to come downstairs or are you going to rest a while longer?" Jean asked.
"I think I’m just going to stay up here. I have a lot in my head I need to sort out."
"I understand. If you need me, don’t hesitate to call me," Jean said, tapping her temple with her finger.
Rogue smiled as she got the message. "Sure thing, Doctor. As long as you don’t mind me poking around up there."
"Of course not." She leaned down and gave Rogue a hug. "It’ll be okay, I promise."
"I know," Rogue replied. "If there’s one thing I’ve learned about life all ready it’s it always hurts—but it always gets better."
Rogue stayed in bed for a long time that evening, staring up at the ceiling and thinking. For the first couple hours she just sobbed, clutching Logan’s dogtags and cried out all the pain he’d put inside her. She yearned for him and wished with all her heart that he would love her the way she loved him. The thought that the knowledge of her love for him pushed him away made her sick, and the fact that this time she was what drove Logan away made her feel like she couldn’t hold on anymore.
As the evening drew on, Rogue stopped crying and she started to feel some of her strength returning. Maybe Jean was right. Maybe she didn’t need Logan. She was young and there were plenty of people out there she could fall in love with that wouldn’t treat her the way Logan did. Somewhere, she knew there was a man who would love her, who would be with her and stand beside her no matter what.
But then again, why give up before you’d even given it a real chance.
Rogue sat up in her bed feeling more refreshed and alive that she had in a long time. With a renewed sense of purpose, she sat up and tore Logan’s dogtags from her neck. She threw them on her bed then went to her closet where she snatched up a bag and started packing. She took an inventory of her clothes and decided it wasn’t what she needed. She grabbed a few outfits from Jubilee’s closet, knowing her friend wouldn’t mind.
She strode out of her room with a goal in mind.
Jean saw Rogue come downstairs with a bag slung over her shoulder. "Where are you going?" Jean asked.
"I need to do something," Rogue replied.
"Rogue, are you sure about that?"
"It’s okay, Jean. I already talked to the Professor. He knows where I’m goin’."
Jean frowned, obviously unsure. "Where are you going?"
"That’s personal."
"Be careful."
"I will be."
Rogue gave the older woman a hug. "I’ll be back soon, Jean."
"I know. And don’t be too hard on Logan, okay?"
Rogue chuckled. "Telepaths…"
Jean laughed back. "Hey, it doesn’t take a telepath to figure out where you’re headed."
Well I play an old guitar from nine ‘till half past one
I'm just tryin' to make a livin' watching everybody else havin' fun
Well I don't miss much if it happens on a dancehall floor
Mercy look what just walked through that door
Well hello T-R-O-U-B-L-E
Tell me what in the world
You doin' A-L-O-N-E
Yeah say hey good L double O-K-I-N-G
Well I smell T-R-O-U-B-L-E
Almost every chin in the bar hit the floor when a young woman, scantily clad enough to make Lady Godiva blush, walked in. Her long brown hair tumbled around her shoulders with ivory streaks falling in front of her face. Her big brown eyes were dark and made it clear that she was there for more than a drink and idle conversation.
I was a little bitty baby when my papa hit the skids
Mama had a time tryin' to raise nine kids
She told me not to stare cause it was impolite
She did the best she could to try to raise me right
Cause mama never told me 'bout nothin' like Y-O-U
Bet your mama musta been another good lookin' honey too
Hey good L double O-K-I-N-G
Well I smell T-R-O-U-B-L-E
From across the bar, Wolverine’s nose wrinkled as he took in a familiar scent. He looked up and did a double take as he recognized the woman who had just walked in. "Marie?!" he exclaimed in surprise as he stood up, causing the woman who was sitting in his lap to fall to the ground. She got up and dusted herself off with a "humph!" going off to find someone else to flirt with.
Logan made a beeline to Rogue, pushing anybody who stood in front of him out of his way. He grabbed Rogue by the arm. "What the hell are ya doin’ here, Marie?" he growled.
Rogue met his eye defiantly. "What does it matter to you?" She narrowed her gaze. "And the name’s Rogue."
"Fine. What the hell are ya doin’ here, Rogue."
"I came to see you, Logan," she purred.
Wolverine frowned. "Why?"
"So I can give you a message. Don’t even bother coming back to the mansion. Just stay up here with your seedy bars and skanky bar hoes." She gestured to the woman who had fallen off Logan’s lap. "If you act like a chickenshit and run off just ‘cause somethin’ gets you spooked a little then you don’t need to be there in the first place. And you definitely don’t need to be around me."
"Marie…Rogue…I didn’t leave ‘cause I couldn’t handle what you said the other night. I just needed to clear my head."
"Don’t give me that, Logan. All you’ve been doin’ since the moment we met is runnin’, and here you are, runnin’ again."
"I’ve never run from anything in my life, Kid."
"You run from everything, Wolverine. Or at least everything that matters."
Logan looked down. "Where are my dogtags?"
Rogue glared at him. "You told me to take care of them. You never said I had to wear them."
Logan glared back. "Get outta here, Marie. This ain’t no place for someone like you."
Marie gave him a devilish smile. "I don’t know, Logan, I think this place suits me just fine. Reminds me of where we first met. It’s even got a cage."
"That’s why I’m here, Kid. T’fight. Action starts in fifteen minutes and I want you outta here."
Marie crossed her arms. "I don’t think so. I’ll think I’ll stay right here."
"Look, I don’t know what kinda game you’re tryin’ to play, but it ain’t cute. You said you had somethin’ to say to me and you said it. Now get out."
"Funny, I don’t remember you havin’ the authority to tell me where I can and can’t go."
"I promised I’d protect you."
"I don’t need you’re fucking protection anymore, Wolverine."
Rogue sauntered over to the bar and ordered a beer, making sure to hang over the edge enough to give the bartender a good view of her cleavage. Wolverine stood behind her and watched, a low growl rumbling deep in his chest. Rogue sat down on a barstool, spun around to face Logan, took a swig of her beer, then winked.
Wolverine narrowed his eyes in response then stalked over towards the cage. He could tell it was going to be a long night…
Well a sweet talkin', sexy walkin', honky tonkin' baby
The men are gonna love ya and the woman gonna hate ya
Remindin' them of everything they're never gonna be
May be the beginning of a world war three
Cause the world ain't ready for nothing like Y-O-U
I bet your mama musta been another good lookin' mama too
Hey say hey good L double O-K-I-N-G
Well I smell T-R-O-U-B-L-E
I said hey
I smell T-R-O-U-B-L-E
Wolverine delivered a punch and his opponent staggered backwards. He paced around the cage some, all the while watching Rogue from the corner of his eye. She was flirting with some guy Logan knew he could tear apart without even blinking. The guy put his hand on Rogue’s leg, and she moved in closer, lowering her eyelashes seductively. Wolverine was contemplating just how many ways he could disembowel Rogue’s new little "friend," when a sharp punch to the jaw brought him back to reality.
Wolverine whipped around, snarling, as the other man went down, clutching his now broken hand. Wolverine kicked his opponent as he went down, and the man fell to the floor, coughing up a little blood. Wolverine growled as he cracked his neck, knowing that fight was over.
He looked back to see that Rogue was now in that guy’s lap. Wolverine grinned ferally. He still wasn’t sure what game she was playing, but he decided he was willing to be one of the players…
"Dance with me, Darlin’," Logan demanded as he walked up to Rogue.
Rogue smiled. "I’d rather dance with Fred here."
"Uh, it’s Frank…" the guy said timidly.
Rogue rolled her eyes. "Whatever."
"I’m sure Fred wouldn’t mind."
"It’s…it’s Frank."
Wolverine snarled and Frank cowered in fear. "Never mind..." Frank said in a meek voice.
"You’re dancin’ with me." Wolverine said.
Rogue stood up. "Fine. But I’m pickin’ the song."
"You got it."
Rogue sauntered over to the jukebox and looked over the selections. She reached into Logan’s pocket and got out a coin, responding to Logan’s gasp with a wink. She put the coin into the jukebox, pushed a couple of buttons, and the song began.
Well you're the real tough cookie with the long history
Of breaking little hearts, like the one in me
That's okay, let’s see how you do it
Put up your dukes, let’s get down to it!
Hit me with your best shot!
Why don't you hit me with your best shot!
Hit me with your best shot!
Fire away!
Wolverine pulled Rogue against him as they moved on to the dance floor. "Did ya really come here just to tell me to get out of your life?" Logan asked.
Rogue did her best to look innocent. "Of course. Why wouldn’t I have?"
"In that dress? All I could think when I looked up and saw ya in that thing was ‘oh hell.’"
"What makes you think I wore it for you, Sugah?"
"Who else would you have worn it for? Fred?"
"I think his name was Frank."
You come on with a "come on," you don't fight fair
But that's okay, see if I care!
Knock me down, it's all in vain
I'll get right back on my feet again!
Hit me with your best shot!
Why don't you hit me with your best shot!
Hit me with your best shot!
Fire away!
"Well, whoever you wore it for, it looks damn good on ya, Darlin’." Logan moved closer and whispered in her ear. "Bet it would look even better off ya."
Rogue’s heart leapt into her throat. "What…what did you say."
"You heard me, Darlin’. C’mon. Leave with me tonight. I want you, Marie."
Marie started to wonder if maybe she’d gotten in over her head. She’d wanted Logan to notice, to realize what he’d turned away, but this…She hadn’t expected this. "Logan, I don’t know, I mean…" she started, her voice faltering.
Logan grabbed her arms and pulled her to his lips, kissing her with enough passion to make Marie go limp. "C’mon, Darlin’. You know you want to. It’ll be all right."
Marie simply nodded yes.
Well you're the real tough cookie with the long history
Of breaking little hearts, like the one in me
Before I put another notch in my lipstick case
You better make sure you put me in my place
Hit me with your best shot!
Come on, hit me with your best shot!
Hit me with your best shot!
Fire away!
Hit me with your best shot!
Why don't you hit me with your best shot!
Hit me with your best shot!
Fire away!
End Part Two