Summary: Tucker's thoughts as he holds T'Pol hostage in 'Strange New World.' Lyrics from 'Karma Police,' by Radiohead.
Disclaimer: Paramount owns Enterprise and all its characters.
"karma police arrest this girl her hitler haircut is making me feel ill
&
we
have
crashed
her
party"
Bitch. I'm on to her now. I always suspected that there was something not quite right about her being with us, but I never imagined this. I should have seen this coming. We all should have seen this coming. We were too naïve. We've been nothing but pawns in some master plan. It's her and her damned people. Vulcans. I hate them all, with their stupid-looking pointed ears and their condescending glances. They don't want us out in space. They've been trying to stop us every step of the way. They might have succeeded, too, if Cutler hadn't caught her with her co-conspirators.
It was a brilliant plan, though. I've got to hand it to them. I can see the headlines now - 'The first Starfleet crew meets a tragic demise on a distant planet.' The people back home would have been devastated. It would have held the program back indefinitely. Long enough, perhaps, for the Vulcans to worm their way into even more of our affairs. Maybe they're trying to take over the whole planet. What better way?
Dammit, I won't let them do it. We deserve to be out here. We've EARNED it. War, disease, hunger - all wiped out within two generations. Doesn't that count for something?
Men and women have endangered, even lost, their lives to be here...
Grissom, White and Chafee - killed before they even got off the launch pad.
Komarov - died upon re-entry.
Apollo 13 - barely made it back alive.
The crew of the Challenger Shuttle - all gone.
John Kelly and Ares Four - swept away by a spatial anomaly.
Zefram Cochrane himself nearly lost the Phoenix the night before his historic launch. The identity of those who bombed the Montana compound that night 'remains a mystery,' or so they say. I've heard theories, though - theories that up until this moment I dismissed as being absurd. Some say it was the Vulcans, themselves, who did it. And when they failed to stop Cochrane, they made 'first contact' so they could stop us in more insidious ways.
You know what? I'll bet it's true, after all. It would be just like them. Well, it's not gonna happen, now. I, Charles Tucker III, will see to that.
~*~
"this is what you get
this is what you get
this is what you get when you mess with us"
Yeah, she's sweating now. She even snapped at me. Bitch. Her true colors are starting to come out. I never could stand her. I didn't trust her from the moment I laid eyes on her. Her, with her superior attitude, and that expressionless face with which she always manages to convey her disapproval of every little thing we do or say. Poor, stupid humans. We don't know what we'll be up against. We need a wise and experienced race to guide us as we venture out of our solar system. What a load of crap.
Even now, she stares at me with that even, calculating look. If I could just once tear that mask of hers away - MAKE her show some emotion. I'd love to see that smug, expressionless face contorted with pain, or fear, or - hell, pleasure. I won't say THAT hasn't crossed my mind. Of course it's crossed my mind. I've had my hands on her skin - I would have to have been a corpse not to be aroused by her. She's a damned attractive woman. I'm sure that was a calculated part of their plan, too. What's with the catsuit, anyway? You don't see any of the old men in the Vulcan High Command in that get-up. She was meant to be distracting. Hell, I could show her distracting. What if I ripped that suit right down the middle, drove her legs apart, and fucked her senseless? I'll bet something other than arrogance and indifference would wash over that face then.
Well, I won't. We humans have a code of behavior, after all. We don't rape, or destroy without provocation. Nor do we lure alien starships into traps, with the intention of murdering their entire crews. No, that's just what the 'enlightened' species do to keep others out of their space.
But there's been plenty of provocation here, and I'm going to have to kill her. I don't have any choice. I can't wait until the Captain returns in the morning. I'm starting to feel a little strange. Maybe the rock people are poisoning us even now. And if I lose consciousness - lower my weapon - she'll have the upper hand and all will be lost. I didn't come out here to kill people, but I will. She's just pushed us too far.
No farther.
I hate to admit it, but part of me is going to enjoy pulling this trigger. Part of me wants to watch the life fade from those cool, appraising eyes. I can't believe what she tried to do to us. Bitch.
This time, she messed with the wrong human.
~*~
"(phew)
for a minute there, i lost myself,
i lost myself..."
Damn. I've never been so happy to see these four walls. The crew quarters on this ship are small, but right now there's no place I'd rather be than jammed in here. I thought the Doc would never let me out of sickbay. I understand why he had to be sure there were no further complications from the pollen, but I just wanted to get away from everyone. From the Captain. From her. I need to be alone.
What do you do when you look in the mirror and find a monster?
I know, I know. There was, after all, a perfectly logical and acceptable reason for my behavior. Pollen from the local flora introduced a psychotropic compound into my bloodstream - made me hallucinate, made me paranoid. Doc Phlox said I had no control over my actions; the Captain told me I wouldn't be held accountable. Hell, even T'Pol seems to consider the matter closed.
I can't consider the matter closed. This is going to be with me for a long time. And it should. It's important that I never forget what I felt. Intense hatred. Loathing. I wanted to hurt T'Pol. I fantasized about raping her, causing her pain. I fully intended to kill her. If the Captain hadn't intervened, I would have.
I would have killed her.
I threw up in the shuttle on the way back. Everyone assumed it was a reaction to the antidote, but it wasn't. I threw up because I knew some of it was real, and it made me sick. Sick to my stomach. Sick at heart.
I don't think it was a simple matter of hallucinations and paranoia. I think the compound drew something out from deep within myself. Something I thought humankind had left far behind. Violence. Rage. Prejudice. My mother didn't raise me to be like that.
I am ashamed. That's why I accepted the Doc's suggestion that I take a day off. I can't look the Captain or T'Pol directly in the eye. I'm afraid they'll see what I really am. I'm afraid they'll see what I see when I look in the mirror. A monster, covered with a thin veneer of civility.
"Challenge your preconceptions, or they will challenge you," Mr. Velek once told me. I thought I understood. Well, I didn't. Not really.
And I have a hell of a long way to go.
The End.