"The richness of life lies in memories we have forgotten."
~ Cesare Paverse
Cyndi Westphalen looked up from her book and smiled. She had taken a few days to come and visit with her mother while Lucas and Nathan were on seaQuest. They had spent the first couple of days catching up and doing the usual "mother-daughter" things, but now Cyndi was beginning to see an all-too-familiar pattern in her mother's behavior. A behavior pattern, that as she became an adult, Cyndi had recognized as being associated with one thing. Her smile grew as she watched her mother rearranging and cleaning every piece of furniture and every single item in the house.
"Mummy." she finally called out and Kristin turned to face her daughter.
"Yes dear?"
"Just how long has Nathan been on seaQuest this time?"
"Mmmm, three weeks." she replied and resumed her work.
"And when is he due back?"
"The end of the week, why?"
"God, I don't think either of us will last that long." Cyndi joked
"What are you talking about?" Kristin questioned with a frown
"Mummy sit down, you're starting to drive me nuts! All this rearranging is driving me crazy and you only get your mind set on rearranging everything when you're horny."
"CYNTHIA!!!!" Kristin scolded.
Cyndi merely laughed. "You can't deny it because you know I'm right. Think about it. Once the Captain gets back you'll ...get this out of your system and everything will get back to normal. You'll no longer feel the need to rearrange things."
"God, you're right." Kristin said as she flopped down onto the sofa. "Pathetic, isn't it."
"No it's not. Even though it drives me crazy, it's nice to see and it tells me that you love him very much and miss him... and I don't just mean sexually. It pleases me to see you happy and I hope that I find someone who makes me just as crazy... as Nathan apparently does you."
"I hope so too, baby." Kristin replied softly. "Now what do you say I go and get cleaned up and you can take your old Mum out to dinner?"
The seaQuest had finished their mission ahead of schedule and so they were headed home early. As it was , it was nearly midnight in New Cape Quest when they docked. Once they were snug in their berth, Lucas sought out Nathan.
He found him in his stateroom stuffing items into a duffel bag.
"Cap?" Lucas called out after he had given a short knock and pushed on the partially open door.
"Yes Lucas?" Bridger replied as he looked up from his packing
"Would it be alright if I spent a couple of days with Tim and Miguel?"
"Sure that's fine with me." Nathan smiled.
"Thanks. We wanna go to a ball game and stuff. I also thought that you and the Doc might want a couple of days alone."
Bridger smiled at the young man's thoughtfulness. "That was nice of you Lucas. Thank you. Have a good time."
"I will, thanks." Lucas finished and slipped back out into the corridor.
With a smile, Nathan turned back to his packing.
Twenty minutes later he was topside. As he moved towards the vehicle, Nathan smiled and couldn't hold back the shiver of anticipation at the thought of Kristin waiting at home for him.
He unlocked the door and tossed his bag over onto the back seat before sliding behind the wheel. After fastening his seatbelt, Nathan slipped the key into the ignition and started the engine.
The traffic light ahead switched from red to green as he approached and he continued through the intersection. He never even saw the sports utility vehicle that ran the red light, sailing into the intersection. It slammed into his passenger side with horrific force. The impact yanked the seat belt tight against his body and Nathan's head snapped sideways to hit the window with a sickening crunch and he knew no more.
Cyndi awoke to the insistent sound of knocking on the front door. She threw back the covers and slipped from the sofa bed. Pulling on her robe she muttered about the manners of some people as she moved from the darkened living room to the front door.
"Who is it?" she called out.
"The NCQ Police Department."
Still keeping the chain on the door she opened it and peered outside. "Could I see some ID please?"
One of the men standing on the step produced a small leather wallet from his jacket pocket. Opening it he held his badge out for her to inspect.
"Just one moment." she replied and closed the door to open the chain.
"What can I do for you officers?" she questioned when she opened it again.
"Mrs. Bridger?" the one officer questioned.
"Uhm no... I'm just visiting and there is no Mrs. Bridger but you probably want my mother."
Just then… "Cynny? Who is it?"
She turned to see her mother coming down the hall, tying the belt of her robe. "Mummy it's the police." Cyndi stated as Kristin reached her side.
Kristin's face wore a frown as she turned to face the officers still standing outside. "Is there a problem?"
"Sorry to disturb you so late ma'am. Do you know a Nathan Bridger?"
"Yes, he's my fiancé. What's wrong?" she asked anxiously.
"Ma'am we need you to come with us to the hospital. Mr. Bridger has been involved in a car accident. He was hit by a drunk driver."
"Oh God... how bad is it?" Kristin gasped.
"I'm afraid it's quite serious ma'am."
"Uhm just give me a moment to change." Kristin stated in a stunned whisper and headed back to her bedroom
Rushing through the door of Emergency, with Cyndi behind her, Kristin headed straight for the nurse's desk.
"How can I help you?" the nurse asked without looking up.
"I'm Kristin Westphalen, I'm Nathan Bridger's fiancée. I was told he was brought here?"
"Dr. Westphalen?" the nurse questioned and when Kristin nodded she gave her a reassuring smile.
"He's with the trauma team right now but I'll have the Doctor come and see you just as soon as he can." she said quietly as she handed her a clipboard with the standard information forms on it. Kristin took it with a nod and moved over to one of the chairs in the waiting room.
It seemed like hours later when a doctor emerged from one of the trauma rooms and crossed over to the desk. Kristin watched as he spoke with one of the nurses and she rose from her chair when she saw her point in her direction.
"Dr. Westphalen?" he questioned as he approached.
"Yes."
"I'm Dr. Danvers, I've been treating your fiancé."
"How is he?"
"Well most of his injuries were relatively minor.. A bruised collarbone. Lacerations to his legs and arms from broken glass, a few sore ribs. He's fortunate he was wearing his seatbelt if he hadn't been... well frankly you'd be down at the morgue right now."
Kristin pushed back the resulting shudder at the image his words invoked. "You said *most* of his injuries were minor?"
"Yes, he also suffered some head trauma which has us a little worried."
"How severe is it?" Kristin asked with deep concern.
"He hit his head against the side window and I suspect an underlying hematoma. He's being taken up now for a CAT and an MRI scan to rule that out. I don't have to tell you that I can't speculate right now until I see the scans."
Kristin nodded. "Can I see him?"
"All right, but just for a few minutes."
"Thank you." Kristin replied and followed Danvers as he led her over to the trauma room. He held the door open for her and she stepped through ahead of him.
"Let's give them a few minutes." he said to the staff still in the room and they complied, slipping quietly from the room.
Kristin fought down her panic and worry as she quietly approached the gurney and stopped, looking down at him.
He was very still and pale. She leaned over him and took his right hand in hers, brushing her lips across the back before bending down and pressing them to his ear.
"Nathan." she whispered, her voice choking slightly. "I'm here. You have to come back to me..."
She paused and looked up when she heard someone approaching.
"We have to take him now, Doctor." the nurse said quietly. Kristin nodded and turned back to Nathan. Pressing her lips to his ear once more she whispered. "I love you." then brushed a quick kiss to his lips before stepping back.
She followed the gurney into the hall, watching as they wheeled him away, before moving back to where Cyndi still sat waiting.
Cyndi moved back from the vending machine, with a cup of coffee in each hand. She passed one to her mother and Kristin took it with a quiet thank you. She took a sip, grimacing at the bitter taste, then looked up again and noticed Danvers coming toward her.
Kristin set the coffee cup down on the small table and rose to meet the doctor. Cyndi also rose and stood beside her mother in silent support.
"Dr. Danvers?" she questioned.
"Well good news, his scans were clean. No major head trauma."
"That's wonderful." Kristin replied with a sigh. "Can I see him?"
"He's being moved to a private room. Once the nurses have him settled you can go in."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome." Danvers stated and flashed her a smile.
The haze of pain and blackness slowly lifted from his mind, and he became aware of the sound of voices nearby. He opened his eyes, blinking against the brightness, and focussed on the face closest to him.
"Nathan, welcome back," the woman said with a smile. "You had me worried."
He frowned, something wasn't right. He should know this person, shouldn't he?
His voice was weak and croaking when he asked. "May I ask you a question?"
"Of course." the woman smiled.
"Do I know you?"
The woman gasped and he could see the man behind her frown. He stepped forward…
"I'm Dr. Danvers. How are you feeling?"
"Besides confused?"
"Yes," he told him with a small smile.
"Sore, tired and my head hurts."
"Yes, that's to be expected. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"
"No."
"Do you know where you are?"
"No, but I assume it's a hospital ."
"Can you tell me your name?"
"No." he frowned "But she called me Nathan." he said pointing to Kristin
"That's right that's your first name. Can you tell me your last?" Danvers asked quietly.
"No I'm sorry. I can't."
"All right. Do you know these two people?" he asked and motioned to Kristin and Cyndi.
Nathan looked them over, studying them intently. One was a younger woman. She was pretty and somehow he knew she was related to the woman standing next to her.
His eyes shifted to the woman he had first seen upon waking. He studied her intently. She was beautiful with exquisite russet hair and whiskey hued eyes that were at the moment swimming with tears, and he was surprised to find fear in them. He felt a tug of something when he looked at her, a thread of something he knew that he should know but couldn't place. He felt more strongly than with any of the others that he should know this woman. There was something strangely familiar about her, something special, but he just couldn't remember. Frustrated he pulled his eyes away and looked back at the doctor.
"No, I'm sorry I don't."
"That's all right." the doctor told him quietly. "Try and get some rest."
He nodded and closed his eyes. Danvers sighed and motioned Kristin and Cyndi out into the hallway.
"Oh God, amnesia." Kristin murmured shaken, pressing a hand to her mouth.
"Kristin, I don't have to tell you that this is probably temporary." Danvers stated.
"And if it isn't?"
"Then you'll both cross that bridge when you come to it. As a doctor you know that something like this can clear up at any time. The slightest sound or smell can trigger his memories."
"I know." Kristin nodded, trying not to think about what might happen if Nathan never regained his memory.
"Once he's rested a little more I'm going to conduct some tests to see just how extensive his amnesia is. When I know that I'll have a better idea of how to progress. But I don't see why he can't go home tomorrow. Perhaps being in familiar surroundings will help."
Kristin nodded.
He was awake but kept his eyes closed pondering over what he had been told since he had woken. As hard as he tried, he couldn't remember anything before the moment he had opened his eyes and seen the trio standing over him. Occasionally if he concentrated really hard, he could get fleeting images, but nothing concrete and concentrating that hard only gave him a headache. With a frustrated sigh he stopped trying to remember and just rested hoping that the fierce pounding in his head would subside.
He heard the door open then close. Through slitted eyelids he watched the red-haired woman take a chair and pick it up. As she moved to his side he studied her. She was extremely beautiful and he didn't know why or how but he could just sense that she was upset and it left him with a myriad of questions running through his mind.
She sat beside him then reached out to take one of his hands in hers. A soft shudder of recognition rushed through him the instant her hand touched his. ~ God, he did know this woman. Why couldn't he remember who she was? Why couldn't he remember what she was to him? ~
"Nathan," she whispered softly and drew the hand she held close to her. "You have to come back to me. Oh God, I don't know what I would do if I lost you." she finished and brushed her lips across the back of his hand as her tears fell silently down her cheeks.
Nathan had this overwhelming urge to take the pain from her eyes in any way that he could.
She gasped softly when he opened his eyes and looked up at her. "Nathan?"
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Of course."
"What is your name?"
He saw her clamp down on a surge of emotion. She took a deep breath before answering him. "It's Kristin. Kristin Westphalen." she told him softly.
"Just what am I to you? Strangely I get this feeling that there is something special between us. I feel myself drawn to you and I don't know why. Are we married?"
He saw a small smile cross her features. "No, not yet. We're just lovers." she told him softly.
"Do we live together?"
"Yes."
"Tell me about us? Please... help me remember."
"Well we met almost 3 years ago..." she started talking... filling in every possible detail of their relationship, telling him everything.
She paused her story when she saw the tiredness in his features.
"I'm going to go home now and let you sleep but I'll be back in the morning to take you home."
"Okay."
"Try and get some sleep." she added as she got to her feet.
"I will."
"Good. I know this is frustrating for you but just give it a little time."
When he nodded, Kristin gave him a small smile and leaned down to kiss his cheek.
"Sweet dreams, Baby." she whispered before turning away.
Nathan watched her as she crossed to the door. She paused a moment and flashed a smile over her shoulder before slipping from the room. He sighed and closed his eyes but knew that it would be a very long time before he would be able to fall asleep.
Kristin sighed tiredly as she opened the front door and stepped into the house. She turned the lock behind her before moving down the hall to the living room.
Cyndi looked up from her book when her mother came around the corner.
"Lucas called. He'll be home late tomorrow morning."
"Thanks Cyndi." Kristin smiled as she moved to the second sofa and flopped down on it.
"How you doing Mum?" she asked solicitously.
"I'm okay."
"Like hell you are. This is me you're talking to. Tell me how you *really* are?"
"Oh God, Cynny this is so hard." she breathed. "When he looks at me I see in his eyes, nothing of what there usually is for me. He doesn't know me anymore. Right now Nathan doesn't have any feelings for me... at least none that he can identify."
"And?"
"And *my* feelings for him haven't changed and I just can't help thinking of what might happen if he doesn't regain his memory. He may not develop the same feelings for me. He may never love me, ever again. I'm afraid Cynny... so very afraid" she finished in a painful whisper. "I'm going to take a bath and go to bed." she added after a moment.
"Night Mum." Cyndi said sadly as she watched her mother get up from the sofa and disappear into the bedroom.
Much later when Cyndi stepped from the kitchen on her way back to the living room she detoured to make a pass by the master bedroom. What she heard through the closed door made her heard clench in compassion.
Her mother's sobs drifted though the door. As they continued to grow more heart rending Cyndi rested her palm against the wood, a gesture of silent comfort before turning away and heading back to bed.
It was mid morning when Kristin arrived at the hospital to take Nathan home. Dr. Danvers was waiting outside his room when she got there.
"He's ready to go. Here's something for his headache..." He said as he held out a small pharmacy bag. "And I know I don't have to give you the standard lecture about amnesia patients."
"No" she shook her head.
"All right then. Just watch him closely for any personality changes and if the headaches get worse..."
"I'll bring him back right away."
"Good, well then he's free to go once you sign the release forms."
Kristin stepped into Nathan's hospital room and found him sitting in a chair beside the bed. He looked up when she entered and gave her a small smile.
"Hello Kristin."
"Nathan."
"Can I get out of here now?"
"Absolutely." she replied and turned around to motion for the orderly. He entered pushing a wheelchair.
"I can walk." Nathan protested.
"Hospital policy, I'm sorry." Kristin told him and smiled at the look on his face as he got up and sat in the wheelchair.
"We live here?" Nathan questioned as they pulled into the driveway of the beach house.
"When you're not at sea, yes." Kristin smiled as she turned off the ignition.
"Wow." he breathed as he got out of the car.
Kristin preceded him into the house and found Cyndi and Lucas waiting for them.
"Welcome home." Cyndi smiled as she got up from the sofa.
"Nathan, this is my daughter, Cynthia."
"Hello." he nodded.
"And this is Lucas."
"Welcome back Cap. I'm glad you're okay." Lucas said hesitantly.
"Thank you."
"Now is there anything I can get you?" Kristin asked him.
"I'd just like to look around, if that's all right."
"Of course. We'll go and make some coffee." She nodded her head towards the kitchen to get Lucas and Cyndi to follow her.
Once inside, Kristin crossed over to the coffee maker.
"Doc, Is he going to be okay?" Lucas asked quietly.
"We have to hope so Lucas. That's all we can do." She replied and began measuring out coffee grounds. After a moment she turned to look at him.
"Did you explain everything to Darwin?"
"Yah as best as I could. I also turned off the vocorder. I thought it was probably best given the circumstances."
"Good idea... I don't know if he's quite ready to handle a talking dolphin right now." Kristin said quietly as she moved to stand in the doorway.
She watched Nathan as he moved around the living room studying each picture intently.
"He looks so lost." she murmured softly.
Cyndi moved up behind her mother and rested her hands on her shoulders.
"Mummy, are you going to be all right? Maybe I should postpone going back to work for a couple of days."
"No Cynny, you go ahead. Lucas and I will be fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
After preparing a light lunch, Kristin stepped back into the living room. The room was empty and she felt a momentary flash of panic before spotting Nathan out on the back deck.
She released a sigh before joining him. He was standing at the railing looking out at the ocean.
"You okay?" she asked softly as she drew nearer.
"Yah, just trying to make sense of these images in my head."
"Care to talk about it?"
"Not just yet."
"All right. But I'm here if you need me."
"I know." he told her as he turned to meet her gaze. He studied her for a moment before turning his eyes back to the ocean.
"What's that?"
"What's what?"
"Out there at the end of the dock." He stated and pointed.
When Kristin saw the flash of grey she smiled. "Oh that's Darwin. Your dolphin."
"I have a dolphin?" he asked incredulously.
"Uhm hmm. Although he's adopted all of us now." Kristin told him with a grin.
"Wow."
"I've made some lunch if you're hungry."
"Okay." Nathan replied and followed her inside.
Once he was seated at the table, Kristin set a plate down in front of him.
"Thank you." he murmured.
"How's the head?" she asked unable to stop herself from reaching out and brushing back his hair.
"Hurts like a son-of-a-bitch." he grumbled.
"Well eat, and I'll get you something for the pain." she smiled.
He watched her as she crossed to the sink and opened the cupboard above it. She took out a prescription bottle and uncapped it. After spilling two capsules out into her palm she poured a glass of water and returned to the table.
"Here." she said softly and held out the capsules and then the water.
"Thanks." Nathan murmured and Kristin watched as he downed them with the water before she took the seat across from him.
The rest of the day was spent answering Nathan's questions and helping him get acquainted with his life. Before they knew it, it was late evening.
"You must be tired." Kristin stated softly.
"I am, a little." Nathan replied.
"Well, why don't we call it a night. There's plenty of time to do this tomorrow."
"All right."
Kristin got up and led him down the hall to the bedroom. She turned on the light and walked over to the king-sized bed.
"Uhm, this is your side." she stated pointing to the side next to the bathroom before crossing over to one of the dressers. "And this is your dresser. Your pajamas are in the second drawer."
"Thanks."
She nodded and moved to her own. After pulling out a nightgown she crossed over to the bathroom and closed the door.
Leaning back against it Kristin closed her eyes, taking a moment to try and get her emotions under control. She bit back a sob and wasn't surprised to find her cheeks wet with tears. She brushed them away then pushed away from the door and prepared for bed.
When she emerged sometime later, Nathan was already in bed, but still awake and she could feel his eyes on her as she crossed the room to turn off the light.
He watched as she stepped from the bathroom. She was a beautiful woman and the night-gown she had put on revealed every curve. He felt his body respond instinctively to her presence but try as he might, he couldn't remember anything about her or the life they had shared.
He wanted to know what it was like to be in love with her; to make love with her. He wanted to remember their life together and felt the familiar frustration when he couldn't.
The lights went out, bathing the bedroom in soft moonlight and Kristin crossed to her side of the bed and slipped beneath the covers.
"Good night, Nathan." she murmured softly as she turned on her side away from him.
"Night." he replied quietly. Then… "I'm sorry."
Kristin turned and slid across the bed until she was close to his side. "Whatever for?" she questioned softly, studying his features in the dim light of the room. "This wasn't your fault."
"I know but I can see how hard this is for you and I'm sorry for that. I do want to remember you Kristin. I want to remember what is was like between us and yet I don't and still...."
"What?" she asked, her voice a tender whisper.
"I find myself drawn to you in a way I can't explain and all I want to do is hold on and lose myself in you until..."
"Nathan..." she began and rolled , snuggling close. "You may not remember me here.." she said as she pressed her fingers to his forehead. "But you do remember me, here..." Her hand slid down to rest over his heart. "And right now if that's all that I can have then it's enough." She finished.
"I don't want you to think that what I'm asking for is just sex.. I know that somehow this will be different even if I can't remember."
"Shh... I know." she said softly and lowered her lips to his.
She felt him responding, his tongue brushing against her lips seeking entry and so she parted them, deepening their kiss.
Her mouth left his to trail a path down his chest, her tongue darting out to tease his nipples. Nathan released a low moan as he gently took her face between his palms and pulled her back up.
"Kristin..."
"Please Nathan.. Please let me do this... I want to do this.. For you... for me."
He pressed a kiss to her lips and released her, closing his eyes, giving himself over to the pleasure, his hands grasping the rungs on the headboard as she continued the sweet assault on his senses. On some unconscious level, her caresses felt familiar and right and he couldn't deny that there was something between them. Something deep and strong and special… He just wished that he could remember. Then all thought was effectively pushed out of his mind as she moved lower.
Nathan shuddered with desire as she freed the cord in his pajama bottoms then arched his hips as she slid them off.
His aroused member twitched in anticipation, and he released a low ragged moan as she reached out a finger to trace the vein on the underside from base to tip. His hips bucked when her thumb brushed over the sensitive head as she collected the moisture leaking from him and smoothed it down.
He let out a low ragged moan as her small hand wrapped around him, squeezing lightly. Reaching behind her, Kristin placed her free hand on the heavy sac beneath his erection and caressed it lightly. Her other hand began to move on his hot shaft, gently stroking up and down, squeezing lightly when she reached the head.
"Oh God...." Nathan moaned as she lowered her head and took him into her mouth. Her tongue swirled around the sensitive tip while her hand continued to move in a steady rhythm up and down his hard length. The intensity of his moans increased as he arched his hips, thrusting gently.
When her tongue sped up to lap the copious moisture she was coaxing from him, Nathan could take no more.
"Kristin..." he growled. "Kristin please I want to be inside you."
Taking her head gently between his palms he pulled her away from his aching hardness.
His mouth claimed hers in a feral kiss as he rolled and pinned her beneath him. As their tongues began a sensual dance, his hand slipped between them. He released a low sensual growl when he found she wore nothing beneath her night-gown and that she was wet and aroused.
He parted her folds with a gentle finger and sought out the nubbin of her desire.
Kristin moaned and bucked her hips against him as he stroked her and quickly brought her to the brink.
When he sensed she was hovering on the edge of orgasm, he thrust into her until he filled her completely.
"God… you feel so good." he breathed hotly in her ear as he began to move, plunging into her with gentle force.
They moved together, bodies meeting each other thrust for thrust as arousal built to a fever pitch. Kristin was the first to be thrown over the pinnacle. She clasped him tightly, moaning his name as she came with tidal wave force. As the waves of pleasure ebbed and flowed she wrapped her arms around Nathan's neck pressing her lips to his sweat damp skin as he continued to pump into her.
"Kristin, " he cried as he came and her body accepted his hot seed. He collapsed bonelessly on top of her and kissed her temple before rolling onto his side and pulling her close.
"I love you, Nathan." she whispered softly as she closed her eyes, and released an exhausted sigh.
"I know." he whispered holding her as she drifted to sleep. When he knew she couldn't hear him he added. "I just wish I could say that I loved you too." Silent tears ran down his cheeks. "Please help me to remember." he whispered as he turned his head into the softness of her hair and cried.
As the days passed with no sign of his memories returning, Nathan grew more and more frustrated. He tried to keep his spirits high for Lucas and Kristin's sakes knowing that they were eager for any sign that his memories were returning. Not wanting to disappoint them he found himself lying to them. Telling them that he was remembering small things... when in fact he remembered nothing.
When Lucas and Kristin had to return to work he was left alone during the day and he tried to use the time finding things to help him regain his memories but nothing had worked.
On top of his frustration over not being able to remember, with each day that passed the pain in his head grew incessantly worse. Not wanting to alarm Kristin, he did his best to hide the fact from her by downing more than the prescribed dosage of his pain medication and soon he had finished the bottle.
Searching the house, he found nothing stronger than a bottle of Ibuprofen and so downed some with a shot of whiskey in the hopes that in concert, the two would dull the agony in his head.
Kristin noticed the subtle changes in Nathan's personality. ..going from a man who rarely lost his temper to one who now lost it at the drop of a hat. She and Lucas found themselves tip-toeing around him... praying that nothing they did would set him off. She knew he was frustrated about not being able to remember more and so, out of worry for Nathan she called Dr. Danvers and stopped by to see him on her way home from work.
Kristin and Lucas entered the house to find it dark, except for a faint light coming from the living room.
Lucas gave Kristin a quick kiss on the cheek before disappearing into his bedroom and closing the door.
Kristin took a deep breath and continued on her way. She paused and sighed when she saw him sitting in one of the recliners drinking straight from a bottle of whiskey.
"So you finally decided to come home." he slurred.
"I'm sorry. My project ran late and then I had to stop by the hospital to speak with Dr. Danvers." She told him as she crossed the room to him.
"I'll just bet you did." he said with a low growl as he got to his feet and stood, none too steadily.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I've seen the way he looks at you. Sniffing around you like you were some bitch in heat... and you twitching your tail like a slut. Encouraging him like I wasn't enough."
He didn't see the pain in her eyes. "You're drunk." she accused softly.
"I'm not so drunk that I can't give you a good fuck, baby." he slurred.
"You're disgusting." Kristin told him in a tearful whisper. She turned away but he grabbed her arm and pulled her back.
"Don't walk away from me." He threatened.
"Nathan, you're hurting me." she told him and tried to pull her arm from his grasp.
He didn't seem to hear her, but grabbed her other arm as well, pulling her to him in a bruising grip.
"You'll give me what I want.." he growled as he pulled her mouth to his.
There was no tenderness, no caring in his kiss. It was brutal and punishing. Kristin struggled against him and nearly gagged at the stench of whiskey on his breath. When his tongue tried to force its way past her lips... she retaliated in the only way she could, her teeth clamping down, and she tasted the iron of blood. He howled in pain and loosened his hold on her. Kristin shrank back from him, tears steaming down her face.
She stared in horror at this stranger. This was not the Nathan she knew; the Nathan she loved. This was not the same man that had made love to her with such reverence and tenderness that it left her breathless. This was not the same man who had adored her and treated her like she was the most important thing in his life. This was not the same man with whom she had shared her very soul and her, his. This was a stranger and as such she was not prepared for what he did next.
Releasing a feral enraged growl he lunged at her. The back of his hand caught her across the cheek with such force that she was thrown to the floor, her right cheek connecting sharply with the edge of the heavy wooden coffee table.
The pain was agonizing and Kristin lay in stunned agony on the floor, holding her injured cheek, the blood from the gash oozing between her fingers.
After a moment, she pulled herself up from the floor and hurried out of the room.
"Doc... my God." Lucas cried as he came down the hall and saw her. "What happened?"
She didn't reply, just looked at him through teary, grief- stricken eyes and disappeared into the bedroom.
Lucas heard the lock click into place. Rage colored his features as he stormed towards the living room
"What the hell did you do to her?" he screamed, stopping in the doorway.
Nathan stood in the center of the room, holding his head with both hands. His lip was bleeding profusely.
"Oh my God... what have I done." He muttered, over and over like a mantra.
"I'll tell you what you've done! " Lucas yelled as he moved closer. "You've hurt the Doc.. that's what you've done! I don't know you anymore. The Captain Bridger I know would never hurt her ...he would just as soon cut out his own heart." Lucas finished, his voice dripping with venom, no sympathy at all for the man's plight.
Lucas frowned when suddenly he saw a look of intense agony cross the older man's features.
"Oh God, my head." He moaned, clutching it this time to show his anguish.
"What's wrong?" Lucas asked warily, not quite sure if this was an act.
The next thing that occurred, scared the living hell out of him as Nathan suddenly fell to the floor his body wracked with violent convulsions.
Lucas ran to the master bedroom and pounded on the door. "Doc, Doc you've gotta come... something's wrong with the Cap!"
"What is it?" He heard the woman's faint reply.
"He suddenly grabbed his head then collapsed to the ground now he's shaking all over."
Lucas heard the lock click and the door open. He winced when he saw her, a new white bandage now adorned her injured cheek.
Kristin reluctantly moved back to the living room. She paused in the doorway and when she saw Nathan she gasped..
"Oh my God. Lucas get my medical bag from the bathroom and then call an ambulance." She ordered as she rushed to Nathan's side and knelt down beside him.
Seconds later Lucas appeared at her side and handed her the bag. She tore it open and fumbled through the supplies until she found the item she searched for. It was a small device used with epileptics to prevent them from biting their tongue when they had a seizure. She had to force Nathan's jaw open in order to place it in his mouth. Once she'd done that she returned to her bag to prepare a shot of an anti-seizure medication..
She gave Nathan the injection then once that was done she reached out and despite his actions earlier she tenderly brushed back his hair. "Easy baby." she said softly. "Everything's going to be okay."
With an eerie sense of deja vu, Kristin found herself pacing the length of the waiting room while waiting for news on Nathan. Lucas sat in one of the chairs, watching her, not sure of what to do.
One of the nurses approached and stopped in front of Kristin, holding out a cup of coffee.
"No thank you."
"Take it. It's not that vending machine sludge. I got it from the nurse's lounge." When Kristin took the cup with a nod the nurse added. "Why don't you let someone take a look at your cheek."
"No... I'll be fine."
"Doctor, you know that he could be in there for hours. You need to have that wound looked at."
Kristin acquiesced with a nod and followed her to one of the trauma rooms.
It was nearly a half-hour later when she returned to the waiting room.
"Any news?" she asked Lucas and he shook his head.
"No, not yet. What did they say about your cheek?"
"What I suspected. It's not broken and there'll only be a faint scar." she said quietly as she sat beside him. Wrapping her arm around the boy's shoulders she pulled him close to her side.
Several minutes later Kristin and Lucas stood when they saw Danvers approaching.
"He's doing okay." Danvers began. " But we had to call in a neurosurgeon."
"What happened?"
"It seems he had a slow bleed into his brain. We missed it on the first CAT scan. It formed a clot. That's what caused the fierce headaches, the personality changes. It even prevented his memories from returning. He also had quite a lot of alcohol and pain meds in his system. My guess was because of the excruciating pain this clot must have been causing him."
"Were they able to repair it."
"Yes and the neurosurgeon believes there will be no permanent damage. In fact he believes that with the removal of the clot, Nathan's memories should return as soon as he is out of the anesthesia."
"When can I see him?"
"Just as soon as he is out of recovery. I'll have a nurse come and get you. In the meantime , why don't you go over to the doctor's lounge and get some sleep."
"All right. Thank you."
"Any time." Danvers smiled and turned away.
"I can't believe you're anxious to see him after what he did to you." Lucas stated quietly.
"Lucas, you know that wasn't Nathan. None of what has happened since his accident has been him."
"And you're going to be able to forgive him for hitting you."
"Yes because I know, in here.." she said, laying a hand over her heart. "That it wasn't him. It was the pills, and the alcohol and the clot itself. It wasn't Nathan because Nathan would never hit me. That was a stranger in our home Lucas. Nathan and I love each other and love is all about forgiveness."
"But what if it happens again?"
"I'm confident that it won't, but *if* it does... well.." she let the sentence hang. "Come on let's go and grab some sleep. It's going to be a couple of hours before we can see him." Kristin stated and dropped an arm across his shoulders, leading him over to the doctor's lounge.
As the cloud of unconsciousness slowly lifted from his mind, the first thing Nathan became aware of was the fierce pain in his head. And then, just as though floodgates had been opened… his memories washed over him and like pieces in a puzzle, each one clicked into place.
He opened his eyes and immediately focussed on Kristin sleeping with her head resting on the bed beside him. He winced when he saw the pristine white bandage that covered her right cheek, shame and sorrow filling him when he remembered that he was the cause.
Tears flowed down his cheeks as he hesitantly reached out to brush the top of her head.
"Kris?" he called out softly.
She stirred at the sound of his voice and lifted her head.
"Nathan." she gave him a joyful smile
"Oh God... Kris... I'm so sorry... I..."
"Sh..." she stilled his words by pressing gentle fingers to his lips. "We don't have to talk about this right now."
"But..."
Kristin took one of his hands in hers. "Nathan, just rest... we'll talk about this when you are stronger." she murmured as she gently stroked his forehead until he closed his eyes.
After a long moment, she could tell that he had fallen asleep. She studied him quietly. His head was swathed in bandages and even with his face relaxed in sleep, she could see tiny lines of pain and worry. As she watched him, her fingers maintained their gentle caress on his forehead.
"Everything is going to be okay." she whispered as she leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead.
It had been a week since Nathan was released from the hospital and Kristin was more than concerned. Since he had returned home he'd done his best to avoid being alone with her, even going so far as to sleep on the sofa. He'd told her it was because he was having problems sleeping and didn't want to disturb her with his restless tossing and turning but Kristin knew it was something more. She sensed that the reason was he was afraid to be alone with her... afraid that he might hurt her again.
When she tried to get him to talk about it, he avoided the subject altogether and so Kristin had come to a decision.
Nathan still had a week of medical leave left and she knew that with all the distractions here at home they would never be able to find the time to work through this. They needed some time alone with no interruptions, no distractions.
Nathan stepped into the house from the back deck and moved down the hallway. As he entered the master bedroom he stopped, seized with panic when he saw Kristin packing a suitcase.
"Kristin..?"
She turned her head to look at him. "Yes."
"Uh... are you going somewhere?" he asked, trying to keep his voice steady.
"Yes.." she finished and snapped the case shut.
"Oh God... Kris please don't leave.." he pleaded and rushed to her side.
She turned to face him flashing him a soft smile. "I'm not leaving, Nathan." she told him and brushed his cheek with a gentle hand. "We're leaving." she added.
"Where?"
"To the island." she began. "We need some time alone, Nathan. We need time together to talk and to work through this. If we don't then no matter how much we love each other, we'll never survive."
"I know." he nodded , looking down at the floor for a fraction of a second before raising his eyes to hers again. "I know I've been difficult and I'm sorry for that. I don't want to lose you Kris."
"I don't want to lose you either. But we need to sit down and talk about everything that has happened and where we are going to go from here."
It was late afternoon when they arrived at the island. While Nathan carried their bags into the bedroom, Kristin headed for the kitchen to put the groceries away. He stepped into the room a few minutes later to tell her he was going for a walk.
"Want some company?"
"Not just yet." he replied softly "I need a little time to think."
"All right." she replied and watched him turn and slip from the kitchen. She crossed to the window and watched as he moved down onto the beach and began walking. Her eyes followed him until he had headed out of sight.
It was sometime later when Kristin left the house and went in search of Nathan.
She found him sitting on the beach several feet from the house. She moved quietly to his side and sat down.
He acknowledged her presence by turning his head to look at her.
"Nathan," she said softly. "Please talk to me."
He reached out to brush gentle fingers over the faintly healing scar on her cheek. Then, very softly, he began to speak: Telling her everything - his shame, his fear, and his sorrow.
As he talked, Kristin gradually moved closer until she was sitting directly in front of him. When he paused she reached out and took his face between her palms.
"Nathan." she began in a voice that was almost a whisper, tilting his eyes up to meet hers. When she saw the agony in them, her heart clenched.
"I forgive you."
"But..."
"No buts..." she told him. "I know that what occurred, everything that happened was because of the accident. It was a stranger that lived in our home. It was a stranger that did all those things and that stranger is gone. For good."
"But how can you know that?" he asked in an agonized whisper
"Because I know you."
"Do you?"
"Yes. In all the time that we have been together, through all the fights we've had - fights so fierce they could have peeled paint off the walls - in all that you've never once lashed out at me in that way. Not once.. And I'm confident you never will again."
"How can you have so much faith in me?"
"Because I love you."
"But..."
"Do you love me?"
"More than my own life."
"Then that is the only thing that matters.."
"Kris..."
"Sh..." she began, pressing her fingertips to his lips in order to silence him. "No more buts... no more 'I'm sorry's" she told him as she gave his shoulders a gentle push sending him toppling back onto the sand.
She moved, stretching her body full length over his then, bracing her hands on either side of his head, she brushed her lips lightly over his.
"Kristin..."
"Sh..." she murmured as she deepened the kiss, her tongue brushing against his lips, pressing for entry.
He released a low moan and parted them, drawing her tongue into his mouth. As the kiss grew more passionate, Nathan rolled taking her with him, until she was pinned beneath his body. Pulling his lips from hers, his fingers buried tightly in her hair, Nathan looked down into her face. As she looked up into his eyes, Kristin could see the anguish in their blue depths.... anguish along with his love and desire.
"If I could take it all back I would..." he began in a soft whisper "I hope you know that I would rather cut out my heart than hurt you... I.." he closed his eyes against his tears. He opened them again seconds later, his tears flowing freely. " I promise you..." he choked "No, I *vow* to you that I will never hit you ever again."
"I know.." Kristin whispered softly, as she pulled his head down and tenderly kissed the tears from his cheeks. "I know."
Even though it wasn't his fault, Kristin knew that it would be a long time before he would be able to forgive himself for his actions. But she made a silent pledge to herself that she would let him know everyday her faith and love for him. With a gentle shift of her body, Kristin rolled them again. She gave him no chance to reply as she bent her head, bestowing a soul deep kiss before moving lower.
She paused momentarily to slip the t-shirt from his body, tossing it aside before lowering her head to anoint his torso with tiny kisses, gradually moving lower and leaving no part of his body untouched.
His fears and doubts slowly melted away as she caressed his body lovingly and by the time her lips returned to his, all rational thought had fled and he surrendered to the wonderful feelings coursing through him.
And when their bodies joined and they travelled the turbulent waves of passion together, reaching the end as one, Nathan looked up into her eyes and knew that at last he'd found salvation.
~~~~~FIN~~~~