Part Three

Liner notes: Thanks to Jenn for letting me appropriate the Ryan as eight-years-old in hall confession from "Unintentional Surrender"-You have my undying gratitude.

Ryan heard the buzzer and wished to God he could ignore it's demands and go back to sleep. The lights were on, some hack was shouting for count, and Cyril was shaking Ryan's legs to urge him to get a move on. Ryan cursed and pulled himself up, bleary eyes assaulted by the cruel lights. Years; that's how long ago it seemed he had been locked with Murphy in a kiss; years ago... Sluggish and unimpressed with the faster pace of the world around him, Ryan stood outside the pod with Cyril waiting for his turn to be declared present. The hacks took forever and a day to reach him, and he caught himself swaying several times upon his feet, dozing. Jesus Christ, if he was expected to make it through the day alive he'd better get a grip and fast. More weary then forlorn, Ryan surveyed the first shift hacks, wishing to see Murphy's face among them but knowing that he wouldn't. Fuck...

Ryan caught a second wind half way through his morning work shift, his mind-scrolling file, upon file to stimulate the absorption of further data. Howell was on a tear; lighting into Morales like there was no tomorrow; must be on the rag. Beecher and Keller were cozy; one leg each pressed against the other's, brushing hands (among other things) beneath the table. Wasn't that nauseatingly sweet? Ryan sneered. Oh look, Hill was pissed about something; giving one of the newest Aryan's (Harris) a death look. The supremacist bastard wasn't man enough to pick on a Brother who could stand on two feet to kick his ass, but Hill? Cross him and he might just roll over your arrogant fuck, nazi head. The cripple had backing, and wasn't high on the Aryan's "most threatening" list. On and on Ryan's mind accessed images and filed them away, cataloging and cross referencing until he was free from the kitchen and able to get down to real business.

By the time Ryan was back at the pod before lights out, his energy reserves had deserted him and the shout for last count woke him from a sound sleep. Excitement jangled through his nerves, it was almost Murphy time. Disappointment piggybacked fear once Ryan realized that Murphy was no where in sight. Maybe he was late for work; maybe he had something to do before getting to Em City; or maybe he regretted the previous night and wasn't coming in at all...Get a hold, O'Reily, Ryan demanded of himself before casting the direction of the entry gate a longing glance. You're not in fucking grade school and he ain't a first crush. Handle it; he'll BE here... Lights out, and still no Murphy. Ryan had paced near the front of the pod, any and all hack activity paramount to his roving eye. Out of habit fundraisers took hold in his mind if he caught sight of the men's actions in the other pods, but his anxiousness began eating away at his stomach lining. Pseudo darkness over taking Oz, Ryan abandoned his vigil at the pod face and went to his bunk. Sulking, he made himself comfortable under the sheet and blanket, contemplating if he should take off his pants and shoes or not. Cursing his gullibility, he rolled over onto his side, scowling as sleep ambushed him, thoughts grinding to a halt. Lesson one, O'Reily; NEVER fucking trust...

Cyril sat up upon hearing the pod door release. Staring out he didn't see an expected hack standing at the entrance. Tentatively Cyril leaned out of his bunk and summoned his brother above him. "Ryan?" No answer. "R-Ryan?" A groan, a shift on the mattress, and Cyril reached up to grope for a limb to touch with his hand. "Ryan?"

"Mm-what is it, Cyril?" slurred Ryan slowly breaking away from unconsciousness.

"The door's open, but I don't see anyone."

Ryan frowned, not yet opening his eyes. Something wasn't right with that statement. "What?"

"It's open."

Open? The door? SHIT! Ryan sat up quickly, rubbed the sleep from his eyes, and then nearly landed on Cyril, jumping from the bunk onto the floor. "It's Murphy again. It's okay. Go back to sleep."

"Are you sure? I don't see anyone-"

"Positive." Soothed Ryan pushing Cyril's shoulders down upon the mattress. "Go to sleep." Confident that Cyril would obey, Ryan slipped out the pod door, adrenaline rush vanishing the instant he saw Murphy at the control board. Murphy hooked a thumb in indication; Ryan nodded and strolled quickly towards the stairs. They said nothing, nor touched on the short walk to the conjugal room they had occupied the previous night. Once the door was closed, Ryan's squelched the urge to throw his arms around Murphy's neck, press his body against the officers, and engulf his mouth in a blinding kiss.

"Where the fuck you been?"

Taken aback by Ryan's demand, Murphy pulled the radio off of his shoulder, holding it in his hand for several seconds before responding. "McManus and I had some catching up to do before I went on. Were you waiting for me or somethin', O'Reily?"

"Fuck you." Growled Ryan turning away from Murphy. He heard the radio set down on a shelf, the weapons belt not far behind it. The bed, fucking Christ why couldn't he keep his eyes off that goddamn, stupid ass bed?

"So this is how it's gonna be now?"

Ryan turned to face Murphy, responding to the irritation in Sean's voice more then the words he spoke. "What?"

"Look, Ryan if something's on your mind, you just need to come right out and say it. I'm not gonna go through this dance every night. It's a waste of time, and that is a commodity in short supply here. I want to help you just like I promised; but if you're gonna bullshit me eight ways to Sunday every goddamned-"

"I'm sorry." Silenced Ryan shifting away from Murphy. "I just didn't see you and I thought-I don't know what; you were playing me, you changed your mind...Fuck. This is too hard."

"Trusting me? Or acting like you do?"

Ryan stared hard at the correction's officer, lips parting, longing for Sean's kiss. "I don't know what to do."

"Simple, Ryan; you just follow your heart and your instincts and you'll be fine."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Sean reached a hand out to Ryan in gesture, his mouth opening to speak, yet the words evaporated when Ryan rushed him, throwing his body into Sean's, and covering his mouth with his own. The veracity of Ryan's abrupt action knocked Murphy back a step, which he recovered by encircling his arms around Ryan and kissing him passionately. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think, and it was heaven. "Ryan." Moaned Sean severing the kiss and moving to caress Ryan's throat.

Ryan hissed with pleasure, tightening one hand in Murphy's hair, and gripping his back with the other. "Fuck, Murphy. I want you."

The declaration surprised Sean, but he subdued his outward response contenting himself with burrowing his hands beneath Ryan's shirt. Warm, the flesh was slick and heated, muscles yielding beneath Murphy's touch. Ryan's erection bore against his, and Sean ground his hips suggestively into Ryan's. The moan of gratitude sent Murphy back to Ryan's mouth and tongue, holding him fast to the younger man's breath. Logic was slow to filter through the haze of lust swarming within Murphy's brain, but once it began he couldn't stop it. Ryan was a novice in the art of romantic relationships, and it wasn't a fair assumption to make that he even WISHED to become sexually involved with another man. A few kisses and a breathed phrase of desire, did not a sex partner make, and certainly not when one of the parties in question was a heterosexual, anal sex virgin. Reluctantly Murphy severed the kiss, caught his breath then addressed Ryan.

"Whoa. Ryan, I'm not so sure about leaving the frying pan just yet. One minute you dodge me like a bullet with your name on it, and the next you're playing tonsil hockey that'd put a whore to shame." Sean pressed his flattened palms to Ryan's chest, holding eye contact. "I want you more then anything...but I want you to know what you're asking for, and be sure you want it before I go any further."

Ryan dropped his head forward and closed his eyes tightly. While he felt like his world was unraveling at a blinding speed, there was a definite truth to the CO's words. "I freaked out when I didn't think you were here." Muttered Ryan softly melting internally at the sensation of one of Sean's hands sliding up his shoulder to his throat. "Seems like all my life people I've wanted to count on...They fuck me over."

"Ryan? When are you going to learn, I'm like nobody you've ever known before?" Sean pressed his lips to Ryan's forehead and lowered his voice to a whisper, and pulled the inmate closer into his awaiting embrace. "We're better then blood family. We're chosen. I chose you, Ryan. No matter what you've done in the past that I don't know about already, it's not gonna change the way I feel about you right now." Murphy paused, kissing Ryan's forehead and stroking his hand up the nape of Ryan's neck, his fingers sliding through his hair. "Don't fight so hard, I'm not the enemy: I'm your blood."

Relieved, Ryan sagged forward against Sean, clinging to him and resting his head upon the CO's shoulder. For a long moment of silence the two men held one another, breathing in each other's scent, and relaxing in the warmth of their mutual embrace. "Sometimes, when I can't sleep; or when I wake up from a nightmare, I feel like I'm eight-years-old again. I was scared of the dark. Sounds stupid, but I was. Cyril woulda had me if I ever woke him, older brothers are supposed to be gods, right?" Ryan paused, swallowed and burrowed closer into Sean's neck, the husky whisper of his voice sending chills cascading down Murphy's spine. "Pop was drunk. Mean. I wanted to tell my Mom, you know let her soothe the darkness away, 'cause she's the only one that cared?...But they were in their room. I used to sit in the hall for hours and just listen, hoping she'd come out to check on us...but she never did. I'd wait so long I'd fall asleep sometimes: I felt better knowing that she was just on the other side of the wall." Ryan inhaled deeply and gathered his courage, while tightening his embrace around Murphy. "Some nights when I feel like that, I look out at the control desk, and if I see you...I know it's gonna be okay."

Sean closed his eyes tightly, feeling Ryan's words splinter his soul. "Shh." Soothed Murphy lost in the sensation of Ryan in his arms. He nudged at Ryan's chin to prompt the inmate to raise his head; eye contact made Sean continued: "You don't need to wait for her anymore, Ryan. You got me."

"Sean?" Ryan searched the richness of Murphy's gaze for heartbeat, recognizing the intensity of affection he dared not name present there. "In Oz, it's not just nights I get..." Ryan grunted, refusing to label the emotion. He pursed his lips and shook his head. "What you're doing t'me?"

"Being your friend."

"No, it's more then that."

Sean shrugged with half hearted conviction and readjusted his embrace to hold Ryan tighter against him. "You wanna night light? Fine, it's me. You wanna shoulder? I'm that too. You need someone to make you cum so hard your balls blast out your ass? I can deliver. Call it, an' me, whatever the fuck you want to; but don't think I'm like the mooks in here, or your piss drunk daddy, and all the fuckers that ever hurt you, okay?" Murphy cocked his head to one side and cast Ryan a tender smile. "Trust your instincts about me; you know I what I'm doing here."

Ryan nodded, attempting to flash a trademark sly smile, but failing as he lost his bluff in the truth of Sean's words. "Kiss me." Ryan caught his breath as Sean leaned slowly forward. "I want it." They both did.

Go to next part.


people have been to this page since August 11, 2002.