Part Eleven

"What's your favorite color?" a hauntingly familiar pair of blue eyes stared up at Chris, waiting for his answer.

"I have two--blue and purple. What's your favorite?" Chris glanced toward the boy, who was lying down on the thick carpeting on the waiting room floor.

"I like green, just like my daddy," the young boy replied proudly. The blond head tilted thoughtfully as he added, "but I kinda like purple and blue too...sometimes."

Chris smiled at the young boy, a pocket-sized version of his father-- gifted with his strawberry blond hair and the upturned nose, where a small pair of gold-rimmed eyeglasses perched. It was disconcerting for the detective to look at this miniaturized version of Toby.

"What's your favorite food?" Harry asked.

Sean, who was sitting on an uncomfortable chair beside his partner, chuckled when he overheard Harry's latest question. When Angus first introduced the children to the detectives, three pairs of blue eyes took the opportunity to evaluate the detective; Sean was sure that Angus or Hoyt had told the children that Detective Keller was a *good* friend of their father.

Gary and Holly were shy but friendly toward Chris, but when a nurse supplied them with several copies of "Highlights" magazine, they lost interest in him--they were much too busy finding the hidden pictures. Harry, the youngest Beecher, was a tougher proposition. He had been questioning his partner relentlessly for the past fifteen minutes as he sat back, assessing the detective thoughtfully; Sean thought the kid had the potential to make a great judge--the kid was friggin' relentless. Sean patted his partner on his arm, letting him know that he was doing a great job fielding the relentless barrage of questions.

Chris frowned thoughtfully as he concentrated on the question. Rather than finding the incessant questioning tedious, he was enjoying it. It meant that the boy wanted to get to know him better-- that was a very good omen. Also, it was helping distract Chris from worrying about Toby. He'd been wheeled through some swinging doors into the emergency room two hours ago, but they hadn't heard anything about his condition and the waiting was driving Chris crazy.

He began to feel better when his partner had joined him, with a clean bandage stuck to his forehead. When he explained that he was fine and that the doctors were releasing him as long as he agreed to take it easy, Chris felt a weight lift off of his shoulders. He'd been concerned about his partner, especially since the man had been unconscious on the floor for god knows how long. With Sean sitting beside him, silently lending his support, Chris began to feel more optimistic about Toby's condition.

"My mother's lasagna and her famous cheese cake." Chris shifted in his chair as he tried to find a comfortable position; his wuss was getting sore. "What about you?"

The full lips pursed in thought before the young boy answered, "When my daddy makes 'ronis and cheese." Harry leaned closer to Chris and whispered, "*He* makes the orange kind--the one in the box, the right kind. Mommy makes it all *wrong*--her 'ronis are WHITE and...stringy. YUCK."

Chris nodded his head in agreement; he knew that making the wrong kind of macaroni was an unforgivable crime to children--who need routines and stability. Chris had already assumed that Toby's ex was a self-centered, spoiled brat. Chris knew that the meal had little nutritional value, but that she couldn't even be *bothered* to occasionally make the food the way her son requested was another indication for him that she wasn't much of a mother to these children. The child's next question brought Chris out of his angry thoughts--about what he'd love to say to Gen if he ever had the chance.

"Why are you rubbing your shoulder again?"

"A crazed woman hit me with her purse, and it still hurts." Chris glared at Victoria Beecher, who had confiscated the whole couch for herself, forcing everyone else to sit on hard chairs--Chris was absolutely certain that the sadistic designer of these chairs had specified that the cushions be stuffed with wood chips. Her husband, the poor bastard, had somehow managed to fall asleep on another chair beside the couch. Next to him, Angus and Hoyt were alternately looking through old magazines as they took turns supervising the children.

Angus had told Chris and Sean about the children's unexpected visit at the pent house--the children insisted on accompanying their grandparents. When Gary had *accidentally* overheard them mentioning the imminent visit to Toby, he quickly informed his siblings. Wheedling, pouting and tears were skillfully employed until they were finally invited to take a trip into the city.

Luckily, the judge had insisted that the kids wait in the lobby while Angus, Victoria and the dog went upstairs to fetch Toby--he hadn't wanted the children to see the apartment, which still had police tape over the front door. They walked in and found Sean teetering around the kitchen, trying to keep them from disturbing the crime scene while he was working out the kinks in his sore muscles. Mrs. Beecher had ignored the request and barged into the study--where she proceeded to beat the living-daylights out of anyone who tried to keep her away from her son. And the rest was history, Chris concluded as he focused his gaze back on the little blond.

The little boy nodded solemnly as he considered Chris' response. "Why didn't you just use your gun?"

"I didn't think of it," Chris replied. "I was too busy getting away!"

"Mr. Jazz says that you are a friend of my daddy, and Uncle Angus told us that you might marry him soon. Is that true?" Chris' indignant eyes turned toward Angus, who just smiled and shrugged his shoulders; he didn't even have the decency to look disconcerted by Chris' glare.

"Of course he's gonna marry our daddy," Holly's exasperated tone was as patronizing as an eight year old could accomplish, "He's the man from the park, silly."

Chris felt his jaw drop in astonishment as he looked over toward the small girl who crossed her arms and smiled proudly. "We heard daddy and Uncle Jazz talking about you one day. We were walking through the park, and you came running by."

//Gees, they should loan these kids out as spies--nothing gets by them.// Chris frowned as he imagined the difficulties in having sex with these three tykes in the house. //Two big honkin' locks! I'll have to stop by the hardware store and install them pronto, or I'll never be able to relax and get down to business.//

Harry tugged on Chris' pants leg to get his attention. "We were making a plan and...everything. We were going to find you in the park and 'kiddap' you so that our daddy wouldn't be sad anymore."

Gary looked up from his puzzle and smiled, "Harry means that we were going to *kidnap* you and take you home. Sometimes our daddy gets sad, since mom married Peter--I'm not supposed to know about that, but I figured it out. We thought that he'd be happier if he married you, and you joined our family--then you wouldn't be alone, either."

Chris glanced over toward Victoria; her eyes had widened in astonishment as she listened to the children's revelations. Angus and Jazz were snickering and Sean's mouth was twitching suspiciously. Many eyes focused on Chris as he felt his cheeks heating up; he was at a loss for words. It all sounded so simple, and maybe it was. Chris knew that he liked to over-think things, the journals had given him the impression that Toby also suffered from the same malady. As Chris looked at Toby's family, he knew that he would love to be a member of it, when the time was right. The three Beecher children were all watching him, waiting for his answer.

Chris cleared his throat and smiled at the children as he answered. "I know how to cook tacos, I like to watch baseball and I own a tropical fish named Cleo." The children smiled in delight; they were satisfied with their choice.

Holly beckoned her little brother over to help her find the bucket and the paintbrush concealed on a page of the magazine. Harry curled up beside his sister, who draped an arm over his shoulder just the way her daddy did when he read to one of the children. She knew that her daddy would be proud when she mentioned that she had watched over her brother--big sisters were supposed to do that.


When Chris realized that Harry was occupied, he rose to his feet and walked down a hallway since he needed some time to himself. It was all happening so fast--Sean getting hurt, finding Toby, the ride over to the hospital. Every time Chris thought of Toby having to fight off Robson alone, his stomach twisted in knots.

Robson and Barlog were also admitted into this hospital--both were in critical condition. Marie had volunteered to complete the paperwork, which had made Sean ecstatic. She also periodically poked her head into the waiting room to provide the detectives with situation reports about Robson--who was still in emergency surgery. Armed policemen were stationed in the hospital looking after Robson and Barlog. Until Toby woke up and gave them details, both men were suspects in the homicide.

During her last visit, Marie had mentioned that Hill was sitting with the artist, keeping him company. Chris remembered that Ronnie didn't have any living family members, so Hill would probably be his only visitor. Chris felt a *twinge* of pity for the artist, who was too immature and needy for his own good. They weren't sure that he'd been an accomplice in the murder, but Chris was sure that he'd helped Robson in some way.

Chris paused at a large window and slid his hand into the pockets of his blue slacks. Chris realized that he had a lot in common with Barlog--they both had trouble letting people get close to them, they both had an interest in human nature, and they were both in love with Tobias Beecher. But Barlog was an orphan; his mother had died when he was a child and his father was an abusive alcoholic who eventually died in prison. Considering his background, Ronnie Barlog had come a long way, only to fall flat on his face on a cold bathroom floor.

Chris couldn't help wondering what would have happened to him if his mother hadn't been around; she'd narrowly avoided being hurt one day, all because she was late for work--the drunk driver had crashed into the lamppost, right where she usually would've been waiting for her bus.

Chris' father was a loving man, but he possessed a very dependent personality; he relied heavily on his wife to take care of the family finances and to calm any emotional turmoil. He also had trouble telling or expressing his affection for his children; he was much too reserved to feel comfortable doing that. Chris always knew that he was loved, but he did still wish that his father would open up more to him, especially about the illness.

Chris' looked out into the busy street, but he was really seeing his life without his mother's belief in his abilities and his worthiness-- she'd encouraged him to apply for the scholarship to Columbia and she had supported his decision to join the police force. But, what if she had died in that accident? Chris had only been six and his sister hadn't even been born yet. Would his father have retreated into his own world, or would he have raised and nurtured his son? Would Chris be a detective or would his restless personality have gotten him into mischief? There were so many possibilities; Chris had seen cases where one small incident had ruined people's whole lives.

Chris rubbed a hand over his tired eyes and decided to stop dwelling on this depressing topic. His mother was alive, he had a job that he loved, good friends and it looked like he might finally have someone who wanted more from Chris than sex. Chris smiled at his reflection in the window, before he turned and continued to follow another corridor.

He began looking into the rooms, hoping to catch a glimpse of a familiar blond head, but each room he walked was occupied by a stranger. The doors at the end of the hallway were locked. Chris stared at them for several minutes, not really seeing them. His mind was full of images of Toby draped across the bed begging to be kissed.

Chris intended to fulfill that request as soon as Toby was awake. It seemed like ages since he had held Toby, smelled his skin and tasted his soft lips. Somehow, Chris had surrendered his heart and his independence to the lawyer. The idea that the children had so innocently proposed sounded perfect to him. Settling down with Toby and his little family didn't petrify Chris--the idea exhilarated him. He could imagine them growing old together and watching over their grandchildren as they snuggled together, sharing a large armchair.

Chris almost jumped out of his skin when an icepack was gently applied to his shoulder. He turned his head and was astonished to see Mrs. Beecher holding the pack on his sore shoulder. Surprisingly, she didn't look like she wanted to rip him in half--she looked concerned.

"I'm sorry about your shoulder, Christopher." Victoria smiled ruefully as she slid the pack off Chris' shoulder and handed it to him. "Harry and the kids are always telling me that I overreact to situations, and they're absolutely right. I saw the blood on the carpet and I saw you crouched over my son, and I reacted. I'm very sorry that I hurt you."

Chris was beginning to suspect that the pain was causing hallucinations; Victoria Beecher would never apologize to her son's male lover, would she?

Victoria walked over to a window and peered out as she explained, "I think you should know--I encouraged Tobias to date Gen, even though he found her to be much too aggressive. Quite frankly, he found her overwhelming, but I persuaded him to look past all that and give her a chance. I thought that her strength would be a support for him, so that he could achieve his dreams."

Chris realized the icepack was a peace offering, and he slid it onto his shoulder as he walked over to the window. Busy people were rushing past on the sidewalk and traffic was zooming past the hospital. "Toby doesn't blame you; he was an adult and he made his own decision--you just got the ball rolling."

"True," Victoria kept staring out the window as she confided, "I saw my intervention as an opportunity to finally help my son, to forge a closer relationship with him. When my children were growing up, I was always so afraid that I would do something...wrong and destroy my children's future, that I stayed away--I was trapped in a rut. I'm a perfectionist. My inability to deal with mistakes only ensured that I avoided spending time with my children. I missed my sons' formative years before I even realized what I was doing."

Victoria paused to catch her breath while Chris continued to hold the icepack on his sore shoulder. "They both adore their father, but our relationship isn't very close, and that's all my fault!"

"But I won't let that happen with my grandchildren," Victoria looked over to the detective and shrugged. "And I'm also trying to get to know my sons again, nurturing them, *guarding* them--ensuring that no one ever breaks their hearts."

Chris leaned against the wall and waited for the woman to continue. He knew that this talk was inevitable, after what she'd heard. Chris could see the mouth turn down into its habitual frown of displeasure as she assessed him; she knew how Toby felt about the man from the park--his journal had mentioned that he'd told her about him during a session with their psychiatrist. She hadn't been happy to learn that her son was attracted to a man, and Chris was sure that she still wasn't comfortable with the idea, months later.

Victoria began to twist the wedding ring in her finger with her right hand as she confided with Chris. "I think a relationship with you will destroy my son's chance to become an important person in the political arena." She leaned closer to Chris and whispered, "If you love him, you would give him up and let him achieve his dreams."

Chris swallowed the angry retort that he was dying to say--this was Toby's mother and Chris realized that he had to deal with her if he were going to have a place in Toby's life. "I do love him," Chris explained slowly, the way that he would to a small child. "And I think that one of his dreams of his future includes being with me. I will support him if he chooses to run for a political office--I'll answer calls, I'll canvas neighborhoods with him and I'll even watch the kids for him."

Chris paused, as he watched the woman absorb the information that he'd just shared. "But I would never give him up, unless *he* asked me to." Chris looked down at the floor as he said, "I love him too much to ever let anyone come between us--even you."

Gray eyes studied the detective, watching his face as he shared his revelation. Victoria could see the worry shadowing the dark blue eyes and she realized that this man really did love her son, and he was worried sick about him, just like her. "Toby takes after me, and I can be very unconventional when the mood strikes me. If he thinks you're the right person for him and his children, I'll support his decision."

Victoria smiled for the first time, a gentle smile that reminded Chris of Toby. "And I will throw the wedding of the century, when you boys decide to make things legal--if being with you makes my son happy, I'll see to it that everyone else is happy, too."

He'd passed this test, and Victoria was satisfied with his answers. It would be difficult, a homosexual relationship could make her son a social and political pariah, but Victoria had always adored challenges. As she surveyed this new member of Toby's rather odd household, she could see some political potential. Handsome, charismatic, intelligent--it would all rest on how everything was presented. A unified family, opened and unashamed, would help the rest of their friends learn to accept that this man would be part of Toby's life; Victoria was certain of that.

Chris heard footsteps approaching him, but he didn't bother to look to see who was coming. His mind was still reeling; he'd thought this woman would try to sabotage his relationship with Toby, but he was starting to realize that she really did want her children to be happy.

He felt a gentle hand tap his arm and he turned and saw his partner standing beside him. Sean's usually jovial expression was absent-- which meant that something was very wrong, and Chris wasn't sure if he wanted to hear the news his partner needed to share with him.

Sean cleared his throat and smiled gently toward Mrs. Beecher, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I really need to have a private conversation with my partner."

Victoria nodded her head regally before she sailed off, back toward the private waiting room. She intended to demand that the doctors allow her to see her son and was composing her scathing comments mentally as she walked away.

Sean watched the woman leave before he walked over to the window ledge and boasted himself onto it. The ledge was actually more comfortable to sit on that the seats in the waiting room, Sean realized as he tried to think of the best way to tell his partner what he had learned from the doctor.

Chris realized that Murphy had something disturbing to tell him, since he was fidgeting more than the children had and he couldn't look Chris in the eye. Those behaviors were all the usual cues that let Chris know that Sean felt uneasy. //It's something about Toby!// "Murph, please!" Chris pleaded, when the silence continued.

Sean bit his lip as he stared down at his hands. "The doctor stopped me in the hallway. The good news is Toby is getting fidgety, he's restless and talking in his sleep--the doc said that those are good indications that he's on the verge of regaining consciousness."

"That's great!" Chris did a little dance around the hallway, and almost bumped into a nurse carrying some clean linen. She yelped as some sheets at the top of her pile slid off and landed on the floor.

Sean watched the proceedings, as Chris unconsciously charmed the indignant nurse. Chris was smiling and apologizing as he picked up some sheets; he even offered to help the woman carry the pile of linen, but she refused his offer with a flustered smile. //He shoots, he scores! Another unsuspecting person succumbs to the Keller magnetism!//

When the nurse brushed by him, Chris' smile froze. He remembered Sean's wording and realized that there was more. He leaned down to pick up the icepack that he'd dropped before he turned to face his partner, and waved his hand in the air to indicate that he was ready to hear the rest of the news.

Sean shifted on the ledge and began to swing his legs back and forth in the air as he pursed his lips and tried to think of a way to tactfully share his news, but there wasn't any way to do it. "They found an...unusual wound on Robson when they were prepping him for surgery, that indicates that he tried to...sexually...assault...Toby while they were alone together in the study."

Chris gasped and his face turned as white as a sheet as he absorbed this startling information. He threw the icepack against the wall as he tried to calm himself. When he imagined the other man daring to touch Toby, possibly hurting him when he refused, Chris' blood boiled. "What did they find?" he asked through stiff lips.

"The doctors think that Toby fought off an assault--it ended when the little spitfire bit Robson's penis, his teeth marks were found on it! There was also some bruising on Toby's body, mostly on his wrists and neck." Sean shivered as he imagined the scenario in his mind. He could see his partner visibly shaking, and Chris' eyes were filled with remorse and anger.

Sean felt waves of shame overtake him, and suddenly it took too much effort to look at his partner. Chris loved Toby and he'd relied on Sean to keep him safe. //Bang up job there, Murph. He had to fight off a rapist with no assistance.// "Of course, we'll have to question him about this because we don't know what that nut confided or attempted. I was in the next room, trussed up like an idiot; I couldn't protect him from any of this shit, like I *promised* I would."

Chris walked over to his partner and slid his arm around his stiff shoulders. "This isn't your fault, Murph. The sadistic bastard caught us all by surprise...I thought Barlog was the one to watch, for Christ sakes." Chris squeezed his partner's shoulder to get his attention. "He did this, Murphy, not you; you were just another victim."

Chris released his partner as the man absorbed the information. Chris sighed in relief when he saw the tension lessen in his partner's back. He suspected that Murphy would still need to work through his feelings of guilt, but Chris felt certain that Sean knew that he didn't blame him.

Chris forced himself to ask the unthinkable question, "Was he raped?"

Sean looked up into the worried blue eyes and shook his head in denial before he said, "Thank god, no! There was no evidence of penetration; just the bite and the bruising." Sean smiled bitterly as he speculated, "I guess getting bit killed the mood!"

He watched his partner absorb the disturbing information, before he continued. "The doc also mentioned that he's been calling out *your* name. They'd like you to sit with him for a while; they think hearing your voice may be enough to encourage him to wake up. If for no other reason than to tell you to shut your yap, so he can get back to sleep."

Chris playfully swatted his partner's arm as he tried to control his emotions. Part of him was horrified that Robson had dared to touch Toby--Chris longed to be alone in a room with that man for five minutes. Another part of him was ecstatic that Toby was waking up and the fact that he wanted Chris there with him just made that news even more incredible.

"I'm going to table the news about that slime. Toby doesn't need me all worked up over something I can't change, but he will need me to be strong and supportive when he remembers what happened." Chris wiped a hand across his forehead as he tried to calm his tattered nerves. "No matter what happened, I still love that man more than anything, and I'm just going to concentrate on the fact that he's all right."

"He's gonna need you more than ever, especially when he tells us what he knows and what happened." Sean slid off the ledge as he said, "We need to *know* if this is finally over and the loose ends are all tied up."

Sean touched the bandage on his head as he began to walk beside his partner back toward the waiting room. "I called Diane and she's coming by to pick me up. My head's starting to ache and I need to get home and lie down for a while."

Anxious eyes scanned Sean, as Chris asked, "Ya gonna be ok?"

Sean smiled ruefully, "Yea, I'll live to eat more crullers. When I called Glynn to fill him in, he mentioned that I could cut out early if my head was hurting me."

"A wave of blinding pain shot threw your head when you heard that, eh?"

"Damn straight!" Murphy stopped walking when they reached a bend in the corridor. "He also reminded me to tell you that you have two months of vacation time accrued, so if you need some time off, it's all set."

Chris' rubbed his nape with his right hand, as his expressive features showcased in confusion. "How would he know that I was thinking about asking for some leave?"

Sean's cheeks heated up with embarrassment. Suddenly he was worried that he'd overstepped the bonds of this friendship; Chris was a very private person who never let his colleagues know anything about his personal life--except Sean. "Um, I kinda mentioned that you were thinking about spending some quality time with...your family," Murphy waved his hand toward the waiting room, which was just ahead of them. "I figured that once this mess was all wrapped up, you'd want to spend some time with Toby, maybe get him away from the bad memories by going on vacation or something."

Chris was grinning and nodding his head in agreement with Sean's plans.

I guess I did do the right thing, Sean decided as he watched his partner's face break out into a smirk. "If the kids stay down at his parents, you could take him somewhere nice and *finally* be alone with him. What happens then will strictly be up to you, but from what I've seen, I think he's highly interested in getting to know you a hell of a lot better."

"Really?" Chris could feel the goofy forming on his face, if this were anyone else he would have felt like a fool, but this was Sean, so he wasn't ashamed to look foolish in front of his friend. "He said that he wants a relationship, but with all the shit that's been going down, I wasn't sure if he knew what he was getting into."

Murphy patted his partner on the arm, "Oh, he KNOWS exactly what he wants, and I'd start picking out a ring soon, if he makes you happy." Sean looked up into the dark blue eyes as he asked, "Does he?"

"Fuck, yes." Chris pointed his chin toward the parking area. "Well, I guess I'll give you a call later. I'm gonna head upstairs and see how Tobe's doin'."

"Give Toby my best, all right? And call me if you need anything." He gently nudged Chris in the direction of the elevators. The detective took the hint and started walking briskly toward them.

Chris' nerves were tingling with anticipation, and he surrendered to his need to rush to Toby's bedside. Murphy would understand his haste. As he reached the end of the hallway, an amused voice called out, "He's in room 703, roadrunner."

Chris swiveled around, he kept walking toward an open elevator as he called out, "Thanks, Sean. Knowing where the hell he is will make finding his room a hell of a lot easier."

Sean watched, bemused, as his partner scurried into the elevator just before the doors slid closed. Time and Chris' love would help Beecher deal with this trauma, Sean decided as he found a good vantage point--it faced out toward the street that Diana would park on. As he looked out the window, Sean discovered that he felt eager to get home and have his family fuss over him. The situation today could've been disastrous, yet both Beecher and himself were still alive.

Sometimes, that had to be enough.


Chris forced himself not to rush down the long hallway, a detective seen running through the hospital corridor, knocking over patients and old women in his haste, just wouldn't be dignified--though his heart urged him to chuck the dignity and find Toby.

When he passed, Toby's parents were just emerging from a hospital room. He glanced over at them--hopeful. The judge, looking older and weary, just lowered his eyes; Chris knew that Toby was still unconscious.

//You're up to bat now, Keller.// Chris took a deep, bracing breath before he even attempted to open the door. //You're whole fucking future is in this room, and now you're gonna go earn it.//

Seeing Toby on that floor had shaken him--an intense fear and desperation that he had never experienced before had flooded over him, drowning him in worry and grief. //If that's another part of love, it really sucks.// Was all the fear and uncertainty worth it? The image of Toby's attentiveness and gentle smile, when they talked in his bedroom, arose in his mind. //Yup. I'd walk through fire to be able to come home to that man, to that unconditional support and that boundless love.// Chris cautiously opened the thick, wooden door and stepped into the room.

He found himself practically tiptoeing over toward the bed, which made him feel somewhat ridiculous, since one of the main reasons for his admittance into the hospital room was to try to wake Toby up. The room that Toby lay in was luxurious--with faux-Persian carpets on the tiled floor and artwork adorning the cream-colored walls. But, for all its splendor, the odor of disinfectant still permeated the air--reminding Chris that this was still a hospital.

Chris paused when he reached the bed. An IV had been inserted into Toby's arm and wires hung, attached to his chest, to monitor his vital signs. Toby lay as still as a statue against the pale blue sheets, looking fragile.

Asleep, Toby looked years younger and innocent looking. Chris bit his lip as his eyes spotted a large welt marring Toby's perfect skin--it was on the right side of his jaw. //That's where the asshole hit him. // He could also see the bruised skin on Toby's wrists where rough hands had restrained him.

"I'm here, baby," Chris whispered as he looked down at the beloved features. Toby's golden lashes lay against his cheeks, as Toby failed to respond to Chris' voice. "I-I don't know what to say, except that you have to wake up for a bit...the doc thinks that it's important that you just wake up!"

Toby's eyes remained closed, and Chris suddenly felt very tired and helpless. Maybe some thumping and banging would do the trick, Chris thought as he pulled the chair closer to the bed and sat down on it. The chair was very comfortable, which was an unexpected treat for the tired detective.

Chris could feel the exhaustion overcoming him; he was tempted to lay right down on the bed with Toby, and close his eyes. Chris smirked as he considered the idea. //Nah. When I finally get into bed with Tobe, I don't wanna be doing any sleeping.//

Studying the beloved features, Chris decided that Toby looked better. His cheeks were flushed with healthy color; and his lips looked rosy and inviting. //Well, it worked for Snow White.// Chris leaned over and kissed the soft lips--they felt warm and inviting against his mouth. Chris drew his head back and watched.

Toby's head turned and he moaned--Chris took that to be an open invitation to continue the kiss, and he leaned over and gently recaptured the soft lips. He gently sucked on that delectable lower lip before he traced the top lip with his tongue. Suddenly, the mouth opened, and Chris indulged himself with a quick taste before he drew back.

Unable to resist the impulse, he began showering Toby's face with kisses as his right hand began to card through his silky hair, savoring the feeling of the warm strands gliding through his fingers. He placed his left hand over Toby's heart to feel the reassuring heartbeat under the palm of his hand--tangible proof that Toby was still alive. It seemed like such a blessing, that this man was alive and unharmed.

Chris felt tears burning his eyes as the realization of how easily things could have gone wrong, how he could have lost both Toby and Sean today if fate or luck hadn't been on their side---the idea of that loss was too unbearable to even consider. Chris buried his face in Toby's neck, calming himself with the clean smell of Toby's skin.

Toby moaned again before a pink tongue emerged to moisten his lips. Chris angled his head closer to Toby's mouth--it sounded like Toby was whispering something. Chris couldn't repress a grin when he realized that Toby was whispering his name. Sean had been right; Toby was calling out to him.

Nothing was going to drag Chris away from this bedside, he was sure of that. It felt so good to finally be doing something and not sitting around, drinking endless cups of coffee and eating junk food from the cafeteria.

Chris tilted his head as he slid his right hand down a smooth cheek, to cup Toby's face in his hand. "I'm right here baby, waiting for you. Just open up those baby blues for me, Toby."

Toby's smooth skin seemed to furrow in concentration as his eyelids fluttered. He blinked several times before the blue eyes were able to focus on the face only inches away from his own. Toby looked up into the dark eyes, as his vision finally seemed to focus. The gorgeous eyes were filled with concern and love, which warmed Toby's heart. He swallowed gently before he attempted to speak. "Hey," he called out softly.

A tear slipped down Chris' cheek as he stared into the sky blue eyes looking up at him. "Hey, yourself." Chris' hand continued to stroke the soft skin of Toby's cheek, as he smiled in delight. "How ya doin'?"

//Good question.// Toby closed his eyes as he tried to assess just how bad he felt. His head was throbbing and he felt as weak as a kitten; he tried to move his hand to touch Chris, but just wiggling his fingers seemed to tire him. He felt like he had a massive hangover or that he'd gotten run over by a garbage truck--several times.

"My head is *killing* me," Toby whispered as he tried to move his head. Waves of dizziness overtook him as his body began to tremble and his stomach started heaving. Toby felt very grateful when Chris quickly grabbed a small basin and held it up to Toby's mouth, just when the contents of his stomach surrendered and decided to rebel. As Toby vomited into the basin, Chris' strong hand was behind his back, supporting his weak body.

When the bout of nausea finally seemed to subside, Toby collapsed weakly against a pillow and closed his eyes. His whole body was trembling and his skin felt sticky with sweat.

Toby lay still and concentrated on the sounds in the room. He could hear the monitors beeping, but he didn't hear Chris' gentle breathing. The soft hand that had been stroking his face was also gone. //Great move, Romeo. Nothing kills the mood faster than throwing up right after someone kisses you.// He could remember those kisses, calling to him, drawing him back from the dark place that his mind had retreated to.

Toby felt his cheeks flame with color as he realized that he'd gotten sick right in front of Chris; Toby knew that he had never felt so embarrassed and miserable in his life and that included *that* fateful day when he was seven--a classmate, who was suffering from the pangs of unrequited love, had pulled down his pants right in the middle of the schoolyard after he refused to kiss her.

//Ha, showing a little too much skin right in font of Miss Baker was small potatoes compared to almost puking all over the sexiest man on the planet. I wish this mattress would burst open, so I could sink into it and hide for a few weeks.//

He wished that he felt half the confidence and the assurance that Chris possessed, so that he could come up with a clever quip to ease the tension, to get Chris back beside him where Toby desperately needed him to be. Toby tried moving his head, but even the slight movement seemed to adversely affect his equilibrium. He decided to remain as still as possible, as he collapsed back onto the pillow, alone and miserable.

He heard soft footsteps approaching, but he just didn't have the energy to open his eyes. He gasped when a cold facecloth began to rub against his mouth. Toby's eyes shot opened and widened in shock as he looked up into gentle blue eyes. Chris smiled as he continued to bathe Toby's flushed skin with the cool washcloth.

"I thought you...left," Toby's voice trembled with emotion that he couldn't seem to control. The cloth felt so good, stroking across his hot skin. Toby sighed as it began to rub against his neck.

"Toby," Chris chided. "Nothing is ever going to keep me away from you, ever again." Chris leaned down and softly kissed Toby's soft lips. "In the past few days, I've been happier than I ever thought was possible. And that's because of you, baby."

Toby's eyes flooded with tears as he looked up at the handsome man, who was looking intently at him as if he just couldn't tear his eyes away from Toby's face. Chris' expressive eyes were overflowing with love and tenderness, which was all directed toward Toby.

Toby longed to reciprocate. Wrapping his arms around Chris and never letting him go sounded like a good place to start. He settled for laying his hand on the one that was resting on his chest while the elegant hand turned under his as Chris entwined their fingers together.

Toby licked his lips again; his throat felt so dry that it hurt to swallow. As if he had read Toby's mind, Chris dropped the facecloth onto a nearby table. Toby watched him as he began pouring ice water into a plastic glass--Toby smiled his gratitude when Chris glanced over toward him.

Toby loved to watch Chris perform this mundane task--the man moved with an innate, fluid grace that Toby envied. He also had beautiful hands, with the long tapered fingers of an artist. Watching him pour the water, Toby was amazed by his dexterity. As he carefully poured the water from the pitcher with his right hand, his left hand remained clasping Toby's fingers, as if he couldn't bear to let it go--that was just fine with Toby.

When Chris finished filling the glass, not a drop of water had been spilled. He slid a straw into the cup and brought it to Toby's lips, so that he could easily drink the delicious water without having to move a muscle, and risk upsetting his stomach again.

The cold water refreshed his dry throat and it helped to wash away the aftertaste of illness that had lingered in Toby's mouth. Toby sipped the liquid slowly, even though he wanted to gulp down the cold drink; he was afraid that too much water would upset his stomach again-- throwing up once today was quite enough.

When the glass was empty, Chris filled it up and placed it on a nearby table, within easy reach of Toby's tired arms. As he sat down on the visitor's chair he glanced over toward Toby, easily recognizing his disappointment--the distance from the chair to the bed, mere inches, was just too far away. //Sorry, baby. I'm just too wiped out to stay on my feet for another minute.//

Toby sighed in disappointment. Suddenly, the blue eyes alit with delight and mischief as Toby slowly wiggled closer to the opposite side of the bed--the slight movements kept his head and stomach happy. He yanked down the sheet and began to pat the mattress with his free hand.

Chris longed to accept the silent invitation, but he shook his head in denial. "Tobe, I don't think the doctors would approve of that."

Toby's lips curved into an impish smile, which Chris found enchanting and hard to resist. "Dad donates piles of money to this hospital; they wouldn't dare to kick up a fuss over something so innocent."

But Chris continued to sit, refusing to accept the request even though his eyes were devouring Toby. Toby decided to pull out the big guns. //All's fair in love and war, Chris. You need this almost as much as I do.// He lowered his eyes and glanced up shyly from under his lashes, pleading with his eyes for Chris to join him and make him feel alive again.

Chris gasped and his body began to slowly edge forward. With a sigh, he stood up and gingerly sat on the edge of the mattress. Gradually, he slid further onto it, until his side lay pressed up against Toby's. Kicking off his shoes, he placed his legs up onto the bed before collapsing against Toby's pillow.

It was cramped on the narrow bed, but Chris shifted until his whole body was lying beside Toby. Then, he yanked the sheet, tucking it securely around the blonde, before he was satisfied. Chris was astonished by how right lying beside Toby felt--it felt familiar and so perfect.

Chris yawned and his eyelids drooped. He snaked his arm behind Toby's neck until he could wrap his arm around the man--drawing him even closer to his body, where he belonged. NOW everything is perfect, Chris decided as he closed his eyes and fell asleep, lulled by the body heat that was permeating through his skin, all the way to his heart.


"SSSh, you'll wake up Chris!" a scolding voice whispered. //Too late. I'm awake.// Chris cuddled his cheek against the soft skin beside him, as he tried to ignore the irritating voices disturbing his dreams.

"--we had to leave Freckle at our house; Uncle Gussie said that the doctor would give her a shot if we took her to a hospital," a soft voice confided.

"Freckle wouldn't have enjoyed being in a hospital room, so I think it was a good idea to leave her at home." Chris felt the body beneath him breathing softly as he responded to the children. Chris turned his face toward the soft skin and inhaled the unique scent of --Toby--he was smelling Toby's soft skin.

Chris' mind was having trouble focusing on anything, except the texture of the warm skin he was nuzzling. He knew that he was lying on his side, spooned up against Toby's slim body. His left arm was still wrapped tightly around a supple shoulder, anchoring the blond to him. //I could get used to this.// Chris forced his heavy eyelids to open, as the conversation continued.

"Mr. Jazz took us to get ice cream at this big cafeteria," Holly announced proudly, "and no one spilled anything." She was sitting on her uncle's lap. Chris noticed that he had confiscated the abandoned chair, but Chris wasn't angry over the loss. He was quite comfortable where he was--thank you.

"I had chocolate-chip cookie dough!" Harry announced proudly, from the foot of the bed, where he sat beside his father's feet. Chris assumed that it was some flavor of ice cream, which he had no desire to taste. "The ice cream was okay," Gary confided. He was sitting beside Jazz on a windowseat. "The best part was getting there. There is this neato color code that you follow, like a trail, through the whole hospital. You follow the red path to get to the cafeteria and the blue one is for the gift shop." Gary turned to Hoyt as he begged, "Can we go there next? I bet dad would love a balloon or some get-well cards."

"Yeah Gary, go peddle it to someone who'll believe that whopper," Hoyt said as his large hand proceeded to muss the boy's golden hair. Gary squealed in delight, before he instantly stopped. He anxiously looked over toward the bed as he apologized. "I'm sorry dad. Did that hurt your head?"

Toby just smiled gently, "I'll live," he answered. He glanced over toward Chris and wasn't surprised to see the dark blue eyes opened and alert. "But I think you just woke Chris up from his nap."

Chris' frowned at the blond man beside him, "I don't *nap*, I was merely resting my eyes." Chris turned to face Gary, "I used to love to explore when I was a kid. My friends and I would make maps, and then we would hide out in the neighborhood. It was sort of like Hide and Go Seek, except they had to use the map to find people."

"So, even then, you were detecting and investigating." Toby said before he gently kissed Chris' cheek. Chris felt his face heat up with color as Toby continued to stare at him--pride was shining out of his guileless continence.

"Are you feeling any better?" Chris asked.

"My head still hurts, but they gave me a shot for the nausea, which really helped things." Toby shifted so that he could lean his head against the headboard. "I can move without throwing up--I can't complain about that."

"Me either, since I'm lying right beside you." Chris murmured as he stretched his arms out, trying to get the kinks out. He yelped in surprise, nearly falling off the bed, when a finger gently poked his side--right at his most ticklish spot. He swallowed his laughter as he glared at the blond, who was smiling innocently at him--the glint of wicked delight in the sky blue eyes was the only flaw on his innocent countenance.

"When you're feeling better," Chris called out as he gently captured the bruised wrists in his hands, bringing them over Toby's head. "I'm gonna get you good for that."

"Promises, promises," a teasing voice replied. The skin was looking much paler and there were shadows under the beautiful eyes. Chris also noticed that Toby's blue eyes were beginning to slide closed-- sleep was demanding some attention, bypassing all Toby's efforts to suppress it. He released Toby's wrists and the man snuggled against him.

Angus also noticed how worn his brother's face looked in the revealing florescent light. He was sure that Toby had enjoyed his children's visit, but it was time to move on. Angus shifted his leg, and Holly slipped off his lap so that he was finally free to stand up.

Angus softly tapped his watch and Toby nodded his head, agreeing. "I really need to get some more rest." The children's eyes filled with disappointment when they heard the news. But before they had time to protest, Toby held up his arms. "The doctor also told me that the best medicine for a mild concussion is lots and lots of kisses. Do you know where I could get some of those?"

Nothing else needed to be said, as three children rushed over to the bed to shower their father with hugs and kisses. Toby hugged each child and kissed them on their heads and cheeks before they scurried off, eager for their next adventure.

Harry got so excited that he even kissed Chris' cheek. "You got hurt too. That'll help you to get all better," the boy explained before he patted Chris' arm and jumped off the bed. His brother and sister were standing beside the door, waiting with Jazz.

"Gussie," Hoyt called out, from where he stood by the door. "We'd better get going if we are going to get these tykes back to your grandparent's house before bedtime." Hoyt leaned down and hoisted Harry into his arms--it had been a very long day for a five year old, and a small head immediately sank onto a broad shoulder.

Chris found himself watching the ex-convict suspiciously. His unease lessened when he noticed the biker's face reflected in a mirror. The man's eyes were full of intense pride and love, as he gazed down at Harry. //I bet he'd decapitate anyone who so much as breathes funny around this family--good to know.//

"I'll meet ya outside," Angus called out as he stood at the foot of the bed, taking everything in. "I need to talk to Chris for a minute."

Hoyt looked over toward Angus, sharing the unspoken communication that developed between the members of a family--Hoyt was most definitely a member of this family, and Chris was sure that the man would be very severe with him if he ever caused Toby unnecessary pain.

"Later, Beech." Hoyt called over his shoulders as he grabbed a backpack--full of the essential materials needed to distract three children during the train ride back to their grandparents' home. He held open the door and ushered the children out. The children, who had seen their father's eyes slide shut, carefully tiptoed out of the room. Toby never heard Hoyt's call; he had fallen asleep with his head resting on Chris' arm.

Chris propped his back against the headboard as he watched the family gather their belongings and exit the room. He looked over toward Toby's brother, who was smiling at him.

"You slept through my parents' latest visit with Toby," Angus explained. His eyes filled with amusement as he confided, "Dad almost swallowed his chewing gum when you rolled over and snuggled against Toby's shoulder. So, I think it's safe to assume that he knows that you weren't lying on that bed because of your devotion to this case or to be a bodyguard."

How did that news make him feel? Chris cocked his head to the side as he looked up into the friendly eyes watching him. It felt right, perfect, Chris decided as his arm tightened around the slim shoulder possessively.

"You also slept right through a visit from Toby's doctor." Angus frowned as he looked over toward his brother. "Toby's got some bruised ribs--they think that asshole kicked him while he was unconscious. He's also got a mild concussion, so they're keeping him here overnight to observe his progress. But the latest series of tests came back fine, and he should be released tomorrow."

Chris sighed in relief as he heard the news. He didn't intend to mention the sexual assault; the doctor obviously hadn't revealed it to the family. It was Toby's story to tell; Chris hoped that the sensitive man would discuss it with him when he was ready--something like that could eat away at someone's sanity until they discussed it. Chris wanted to be the one that Toby turned to; if this relationship was going to be more than just sexual chemistry, he'd have to.

"Thanks for telling me, Gussie," Chris answered. He gently shook Toby's shoulder, waking him from his light doze so that he could say goodnight to his brother--he was sure Toby would appreciate that.

Toby groaned in protest as his blue eyes opened. He looked around the dark room and realized almost immediately what was happening. "Gees, I'm sorry Gussie. I just can't seem to keep my eyes opened." Part of him acknowledged that he didn't want to remain awake--memories flooded through his mind while he was conscious. The only thing that stopped the barrage of unpleasant memories was when Chris kissed him--he could forget his own name when that man touched him.

Angus bounced over to the side of the bed and enfolded his brother in a gentle hug. "Take it easy. All these little incidents have probably made my blood pressure skyrocket. If that didn't do it, getting trapped in a car with Mother, Dad, Hoyt, a dog and three tired children will probably finish me off."

When he finished hugging his brother, Angus leaned further over the bed to pat Chris on the shoulder--Chris sighed in relief. But his relief was short-lived; Angus gathered him into his arms and hugged a lungful of air out of him. "Welcome to the family, Chris." Angus whispered in his ear before he drew back.

He waved as he quickly scurried out the door, going to search for his wayward family.

As the door swung shut, Chris sighed. //Thank god they're finally gone. I'm finally gonna have Toby all to myself.// Chris felt a head resting on his chest, over his heart. He leaned back and settled in for the duration as Toby closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep again.

Chris reached for a newspaper that someone had left on the night table. It was quite a stretch, with Toby's body anchoring him to the mattress. He stretched out his fingers and caught the newspaper in a tenuous grasp before it could fall on the floor.

With a triumphant smile, Chris settled back onto the soft mattress. Toby hadn't stirred during his attempts to reach the paper, so Chris was sure that the man would sleep for hours.

As he glanced at a sports headline, he realized that he hadn't called his mother yet. He called her every week to chat and share the latest news--and this conversation was shaping up to be a doosie. Chris decided to call her after he had his talk with Toby about Robson, and what had happened this afternoon.

His mother was living in California, so it wouldn't matter if it was late. He was sure that the story that Toby would share would be an emotional minefield. He'd need her advice, so that he'd know how to handle Toby and his own complex feelings. Chris knew that his mother would support this relationship, as long as he was happy, but he needed to hear her say the words. He also wanted to tell her all about Toby; he wouldn't be ashamed to discuss his feelings with her, she was always a sympathetic listener.

He opened up to the sports and began to read a description of the latest Sox game as his left hand stroked the soft golden hair.

"A potential foul ball hit a pole, and stayed inbounds?! Christ!" Sometimes being a Sox fan took a lot of effort, but it was worth it in the end. Toby sighed and cuddled his head under Chris' chin, reminding him that all the most rewarding things in his life took effort. If Toby needed him to stay here all night, to keep the nightmares away, he would.

Toby was also worth the effort.


Hours later, Chris awoke with a start as the discarded newspaper slid onto the floor. He glanced around the dark room, puzzled. He instinctively started checking out the room, making sure that there was no apparent danger--there wasn't.

The machines were quiet and the only light came from the hallway-- someone had left the door partially ajar. Probably a nurse, Chris surmised as he settled back against the pillow.

He felt the warm, familiar body pressing against his, and smiled gently as his sleeping partner shifted even closer. A muffled groan emerged from Toby's lips as he registered the slight shift and repositioned himself, his head once more comfortably pillowed over Keller's heart.

Chris sighed in contentment as he felt the soft breath being exhaled onto his chest and neck--palpable proof that his Toby was alive and here with him, safe. Already, having Toby sleeping against him was becoming a habit, a precious routine that Chris intended to savor.

Who would have thought that his whole future would be presented to him on this case; he'd been searching for something, someone, for so long and the one time that he wasn't paying attention--wham-o, right between the eyes. His mother was right; love would only come when you weren't looking. Falling in love with Toby, first the personality and then with the man himself, had been a shocker--a good shocker.

He couldn't resist the urge to study the golden head still resting on his chest. Toby looked like an angel when he was asleep. He looked so much younger and vulnerable--Chris couldn't resist stroking his finger down a stubbled cheek. Toby felt the touch and mumbled something unintelligible, before he buried his face deeper into Chris' silk shirt.

Chris glanced down at his clothes and winced. He'd discarded the jacket and tie on the ride to the hospital and his blue shirt was a wreck--unbuttoned, and a mass of wrinkles. //Gees, you'd think I slept in it. Oh, yeah--I did.// Waking up, covered with Toby's body was worth it. //I could get addicted to this.//

Toby moaned again as his body jerked slightly. Chris bit his lip nervously as he realized what was waking him--the nightmares were beginning and Toby was subtly thrashing, as he fought off the dream- phantoms haunting his mind. His body was covered with sweat and his hands were clenching the covers.

"Stop...Agh!" Toby softly muttered. The words were like daggers stabbing into Chris' gut. He placed a comforting hand on Toby's shoulder, as he tried to wake him and help him escape the bad memories.

Toby's arms flailed out before he shoved Chris' hand away from him--in his sleep-drugged mind, he was escaping from his tormentor, Robson. "NO!" he shouted as he rolled toward the edge of the bed, as far away from Chris as he could get. Only the railing on the side of the bed kept him from rolling off.

Chris shivered as he watched the man edge away from him--even though the abrupt retreat had been more of a reflex, it still hurt like hell. Chris was holding his breath as he watched Toby slowly waking up and becoming aware of his surroundings.

It was up to Toby to make the first move--after everything that he'd been through; he needed the opportunity to make a choice. Toby had been through hell today--it was conceivable that he wouldn't feel comfortable pursuing this relationship any further, if it reminded him of Robson's assault. Chris just lay back, watching, praying, as Toby's eyes blinked open and awareness entered the blue depths. When Toby rubbed his palms over his eyes in a vulnerable and very childlike gesture, Chris' fragile heart melted like ice cream left out in the sun.

A realization stunned the detective, paralyzing him where he lay--in such a short time; this man had affected his whole life. If Toby turned away from him now, he didn't know if he'd be able to get over it. //Please. Please. Come back to me.// Chris flexed his hands, which longed to reach out and pull the blonde back to him, back to his loving embrace. But he ignored the urge and watched--waiting as Toby's sleep-dazed eyes focused on his face.

When Toby's tired mind finally recognized Chris, he whimpered pitifully and dove into Chris arms. He settled against the broad chest as gentle hands eagerly cradled him in a warm, protective embrace. Caring hands began stroking over his body, slowly and patiently erasing away the memories of another's touch.

Sobs shook the slim body cradled in Chris arm. "I'm here. I'm here." He never uttered the words 'It's ok,' because everything was far from ok. What Toby had been subjected to was something Chris wouldn't wish on his worst enemy. Tears escaped from his own eyes, but he ignored the moisture dripping down his face. His whole concentration was on Toby, who needed this emotional release in order to start healing.

When he finally had some control over his emotions, Toby wiped his eyes. It amazed him that the strong arms around him could convey so much support and acceptance. Toby felt so much better with Chris here, against him. Gen had never been someone who could give comfort- -she was a taker. But lying here, listening to Chris whisper endearments into his ear as he nuzzled his face into Toby's hair, Toby realized that he'd finally found someone who wanted more from him than his looks or his money--Chris wanted his heart, which was fine because it was his for the taking.

"Chris," Toby whispered as he kissed the soft skin on the detective's neck, savoring the close contact, as Chris' hands touched him everywhere. But he longed to have those hands caressing his bare skin. His skin smelled clean; the hospital staff had probably given him a sponge bath--their claim to fame--but Toby still felt soiled. Only Chris' hands, his lips, his scent would cleanse Toby's wounded soul.

Chris kissed the skin along Toby's temple. "Just following the doc's orders," Chris whispered between kisses. "He did say that kisses were the best medicine for a mild concussion, right?" He nuzzled his face into the wavy hair and rubbed it against the silky strands.

"Yeah," Toby said. "He did."

Chris cherished this chance to hold Toby close; there hadn't been many opportunities to indulge in simple pleasures, like holding Toby, memorizing the way he felt in his arms. His hands massaged the stiff shoulders and rubbed along the soft skin on Toby's back. Chris sighed in satisfaction when Toby's rigid muscles slowly eased under his soothing caresses. //Good. I've made him feel safe again.//

"That feels so good!" Toby's sigh was almost a purr. "You've got incredible hands, honey."

"At your service, twenty-four hours a day, Toby." Chris rubbed his right hand along the skin at Toby's nape--he loved the way it curved gracefully into the supple shoulders. Toby's neck and back were like a work of art--it surprised him that Barlog had never painted that.

"Oh, good." Toby sighed, as his muscles seemed to melt wherever those gentle hands stroked. "Cause I could get very used to all this attention. You do realize that you're spoiling me?"

"Mmm, I'm creating a monster. Good." When Chris felt Toby lift his head, he glanced down at the blond--who was plastered to his chest. He was startled to discover a mischievous glint lighting his sky blue eyes. "Wha'?" Chris asked, suspiciously."

Toby blushed, "I just realized, I've finally gotten you to stay put...in bed with me." Toby's playful grin illuminated his whole face, and Chris couldn't resist grinning himself as Toby confessed, "I'd call that progress. If we were naked too, that'd make this even better."

//I like the way your mind thinks, Mr. Tobias Beecher, esquire.// Chris' right arm draped over Toby's shoulder, nudging him closer to Chris' aroused body. "Well, considering that you haven't taken me out to eat or bought me flowers, I'm going to need to know why I should let you get me naked. I don't want ya thinking I'm easy or anything." The inquiry was asked playfully, but Chris' eyes were very serious as he looked into Toby's imploring ones.

Toby's playful attitude faded as he considered the reasons behind his request. He knew his abrupt mood swing concerned his lover--he was an emotional train-wreck right now, but being here with Chris was helping him more than any therapy sessions or drugs ever had.

Toby smiled gently and kissed the soft lips. "Chris, I am so cold...in places that I didn't know existed. Please help me to get warm; to escape this hell that Robson consigned me to. Lend me your strength, till I can deal with all of this myself."

"Tobe, baby," Chris nudged Toby's head closer toward his, till their foreheads were pressed together. "I'll do whatever you think you need...whatever you want." Chris looked into the blue eyes, assessing Toby's conviction that this was what he needed. "Are you sure? Cause I'd hate to take the chance of getting kicked out of this dump, if you're not sure."

Toby leaned away, and settled back onto Chris' chest. "I'm sure! I need to talk to you about what happened, but...it'll be pretty dicey. Having you here is probably the only thing that's going to get me through, reliving those memories." Toby pushed his groin against Chris' leg, letting him feel just how sure he was. "Don't worry about your reputation; I intend to marry you, remember?"

Chris cocked his head and smirked, "Ok, it's doable. It's a good thing that I've become an expert at questioning naked people during this case." He was trying to lighten the mood--Toby was shaking like a leaf, a delayed reaction from his ordeal. Chris wanted to ease this man's emotional turmoil, and if getting Chris naked would help, then that's exactly what'd happen.

Toby returned the smirk with one of his own as he asked, "Should I be worried about this new policing technique?"

"Na," Chris' dimples flashed as he laughed in delight. Toby's possessive attitude didn't make him feel trapped, it made him feel appreciated and loved. "The only person in this case that I wanted to see in the buff was you." The air in the dark room suddenly felt charged, and Chris noticed that his heart was racing.

Toby slid away just far enough from Chris' body to give him room to maneuver--even that short distance seemed like miles. He quickly yanked the hospital gown over his head and threw it on the floor. Next, he reached down and pushed his boxers down his legs and threw those on top of the gown. Mission accomplished--finally naked, next to a partially naked Chris.

Toby glanced over toward the detective and gasped--Chris' skin seemed to glow in the dim light. Toby's eyes savored the view as each item of clothing was removed and more male perfection was put on display. Acres of smooth skin and sculpted muscles were being revealed, as Chris finished undressing. //He is so perfect looking. Hiding that perfection under clothes should be a felony. Nah, I don't ever intend to share this view with anyone else, so the clothes are a keeper. He's mine!//

When Chris discarded the last item of clothing, he drew Toby closer and they snuggled against each other. Chris kissed Toby's lips gently as he wrapped his arms around the blond and pressed their bodies together, from head to toe. They fit together seamlessly, like pieces from a puzzle.

Toby settled comfortably against Chris' body before he captured that alluring mouth. The kiss was long, deep and passionate. Toby lost all track of time as he surrendered to the gentle pleasure that Chris' talented mouth was stimulating.

Chris was lost in a world of sensation. The only thing that existed in this world was that sweet mouth that Chris was devouring. When his lungs were on fire from their demands for air, Chris surrendered to his body's needs and reluctantly released Toby's mouth.

//Gees, this feels so fuckin' good.// Chris' skin tingled, and his cock was already hard, but sex wasn't on the agenda, even though his body longed to ravage the sensual man pressed against him. Chris intended to concentrate on the sordid story that Toby *needed* to share in order to recover from the trauma. This was about what Toby needed, the sex could wait until Toby was physically and mentally ready for it.

Toby was worried that his stranglehold on the detective was too much-- too fucking needy. Chris said that he loved him, but Toby still felt guilty about using this man's embrace to drown out the phantoms. "Is this ok?" a hesitant voice asked. If Chris needed something too, Toby would see that he got it. This was a partnership, after all.

Chris blinked when he heard the question. Didn't Toby realize what a sensual, beautiful man he was? Hadn't his wife ever told him that? Apparently not, Chris decided as he pulled Toby ever closer. "This is more than enough. When you smile at me, you break down all of my defenses, like butter melting in the sun. Just being here with you is like a fucking miracle for me--I keep expecting to wake up and find that this is all a goddamn dream." Chris leaned down and kissed Toby's forehead.

"I won't lie and say that having you naked in a bed, kissing me till I'm breathless, isn't a major fantasy of mine and little Chris is feeling pretty frisky right now." Toby chuckled, and Chris ran his right hand through the silky hair, memorizing every sensation. "But that can wait. I know that you want to tell me something, and I'm here for you."

He tried to ignore his body's urges, as Toby's head snuggled under his chin. Talk was cheap. Chris really wasn't quite sure that he was ready to hear how and why Toby had to defend himself. Although, the image of his teeth biting into Robson's penis did give him a twinge of satisfaction though. //I wish you'd done a Bobbitt and bit the damn thing right off.// Savage, but effective.

What had Toby been forced to do by his armed assailant before he finally lost it and fought back? Would Chris be able to hear this confession and reign in his emotions? He wasn't sure. But there was one thing that Chris was sure of--Toby would only confide in him. The man was much too reserved to be able to talk to a qualified stranger. Glynn needed a completed report--the men responsible for this fiasco were going to pay for their crimes, Chris would personally see to that. But, in order to bring them to justice, Chris needed to hear what Toby had learned--he was the only one who knew the whole story.

When Toby's tense muscles finally seemed to relax, Chris knew that the time had come. "Toby, we need to know what happened. I hate to have to ask you at all, but you're our only witness and I think that you were told about more than you ever needed to know."

Toby nodded and buried his face into Chris neck. Just breathing in the smell of Chris' body--the clean smell of his skin, helped to calm him so that he could force the words out of his stiff lips. "Robson confessed. Hell, he bragged about stealing the fucking money from the campaign to cover his gambling debts. When I began the investigation, he initiated a friendship with Ronnie, so that he'd have access to the building. In case I uncovered anything incriminating, he wanted to be ready to *stop* me."

Toby chuckled, but there wasn't any real amusement in the cynical laughter. "I got the distinct impression that he didn't have a great deal of respect for my intelligence or my tenaciousness. He was stunned when I spotted the errors--I remember that. I guess he hoped that the lazy rich boy would get bored--dismiss the errors as just another example of faulty accounting, or pass them onto someone else to investigate, preferably him."

Toby's voice sounded mechanical, devoid of feeling. Chris was sure that distancing himself from the pain and anger was helping Toby to share this painful story. "Did Barlog help him to murder your guest?"

"No, Ronnie just spouted off and showed him where he kept his father's shotgun, in that damn clock, of all places. He provided him with the idea and the weapon--that was Ronnie's *only* contribution to the crime. Robson did the deed while Ronnie was passed out. Then he left the gun behind in *my* clock, so that Ronnie'd be implicated. Nice friend, ha?"

"I figured it out about the clock," Chris explained as he rubbed his palms up and down Toby's spine. The soft skin felt like silk under his hands, but Chris dismissed that observation--keeping this man calm and sane was his reason for existence. If he decided that this talk was becoming too much for Toby, it would end. //Fuck the case! They can fire my ass for all I care. Nothing is more important to me than you, Toby.//

Toby sighed. The knowing hands were touching all the stiff spots, making his sore muscles melt under the ministering warmth, emanating from Chris' talented fingers. "He also doctored the list with new names. He was a thorough little shit--he snuck into my house and printed out the list on my stationery before he mailed it out. He also made sure his new and improved version got delivered to you, when you were at the office--he was watching everything over the security system."

Toby looked up at Chris and wasn't disappointed when he grimaced. He knew that Chris would resent being manipulated, just as much as Toby had. "When you investigated that list, Schillinger's affiliation with members of the brotherhood would come to light--making it look like he was pocketing the money to further their sick cause. Robson intended to step into Vern's position if he was forced to resign. Ronnie would commit suicide or go to jail for a crime that he thought he'd committed. The only flaw in this perfect crime was that it wasn't me...he almost got away with it."

Toby paused to catch his breath. "This morning, he called your station looking for information and he got an earful from some woman. The detective inadvertently clued him in to what you and Sean were doing. He must have used the spare key to sneak into the apartment and surprise your partner. My brother mentioned that Sean's fine, I was relieved to hear that."

Chris smiled as he kissed Toby's forehead. "Sean has a headache, and a bandage on his forehead--that's about it. Right now, he's at home getting fussed over, so he's feeling no pain."

Toby turned his head and kissed Keller's chest, his favorite pillow. Lying against the strong body was heavenly for Toby; he considered Chris to be too beautiful for words to do him justice--not just his body, his heart too. That such an alluring man found him attractive astonished him--he was always the one on the outside, alone and lonely. Gen had never shared her inner-self with him, and he always thought it was because he lacked something--some integral component that would always ensure that he remained alone forever.

//Not true. Chris sees someone worth loving, so screw you, Gen!// As he pressed his cheek against the smooth skin, he realized that this man could change all that. He would force Toby to live life and not just observe it from a safe distance.

"He used Sean as a pawn to control me. He kicked him when I didn't cooperate fast enough and he kept threatening to kill him. I couldn't let that happen. I gave him everything he demanded...my list, my files...my body."

The arms around Toby tightened as Chris swore under his breath. Toby couldn't look at him, he just stared at the tattoo on Chris' muscular forearm. "I knew he intended to rape me...he kept t-touching me...looking at me with this sick sort of hunger in his dead eyes."

Toby licked his dry lips as he rushed through his explanation." I needed to keep him preoccupied, so I offered to give him a...b- blowjob. He accepted immediately, and the whole time he just...kept telling me all of his sick plans; I knew that he felt free to tell me all this because...he knew that I'd be dead soon."

Chris wanted to say something, but he knew the only thing that would emerge right now would be four-letter words. //Good thing you're guarded, Jimmy. I wanna smash your head in.//

"He shoved himself into my m- mouth. I thought I was going to choke at first. Then I lost it and went a little crazy. I bit that bastard and made him scream like a baby. His blood splattered into my mouth before I could get free--it was disgusting." Toby winced as he recalled the taste of the blood in his mouth. Soft hands squeezing his arms brought him back from that dark place. "I hit him with the computer while he was recovering from the bite--it wasn't enough. When I bent down to get the gun...he was awake. He hit me with his elbow and I went flying right into the desk. I don't know what happened after that."

Toby closed his eyes--he just couldn't face those understanding blue eyes watching him. "I let you down Chris. I should have been stronger, more resourceful. But I just couldn't think of anything else to do. I feel like such a slut..." Toby shivered involuntarily as he recalled the sensation of those rancid hands stroking over his skin. "I can still feel both of those men touching me...kissing me."

Chris' brow furrowed in confusion. "Both? Did he have a partner?"

"No...but being pawed by one nutcase a day wasn't enough for me." Toby's expressive mouth twisted into a rueful frown as he opened his eyes and began to trace the design on the tattoo with his finger. "I've got a new hobby--it's the latest rage among us blond sluts. We invite weirdoes into our studies where they try to molest us, and we're too stupid to ever see it coming."

"Toby," the name was a soft scolding; Toby had used the tone a million times on his children, so he recognized it instantly. Chris didn't find the little joke funny--oddly enough, neither did he. "Don't do this to yourself," the gentle voice chided.

The finger paused and was slowly withdrawn, as Toby tried to concentrate on what he was trying to tell Chris. Part of him screamed to remain silent--if Chris was repulsed by this story, Toby knew that his heart would never recover. "Before all this happened, I had an unexpected guest stop by. I invited Schillinger into that very room and he felt me up and propositioned me." Toby laughed derisively as he remembered the hunger burning in those calculating eyes. "I think he would have waved bills in the air if he thought it would persuade me."

Chris smashed his fist into the bed, as Toby continued. "Both of them admired my spirit and wanted to ride me; I think that's how it was described. I am such a fool. I thought that Vern respected me, and all he wanted was a piece of ass to--"

"You aren't a slut or a piece of ass." Chris fought back his urge to shake some sense into Toby, but he just rubbed his hands over the trembling body-- trying to reach him, calm him.

"You're a special person--someone who always looks for the good in others. Those men are vicious users--emotional vampires who suck the love and hope out of people like you, while they manipulate you into fulfilling their dreams and ambitions. Vern knows that he's too conservative and too much of a friggin' bigot to ever get anywhere-- but *you* have a world full of possibilities before you. You have the talent and the ingenuity to overcome any challenge...even would-be rapists."

"Chris, do you still want to be with me...to touch what those rotten hands touched?"

"Oh, yes." Chris turned Toby's head and kissed his lips before he showered his face with soothing kisses. Toby closed his eyes and tilted his head so that Chris could kiss his neck more easily. When Chris' talented lips reached his neck, Toby whimpered. He groaned in frustration when those lips were removed--just when it was getting interesting.

Toby's eyes shot open to find Chris staring at him lovingly. "I do intend to show you how good it can be between two men who love each other--I promise." Chris smiled when Toby just continued to watch him. "Do you know what you're doing to me, right now? You look at me like I'm something precious and valuable, and I feel invincible. I would kill for you, Toby. You've made me feel special, and you've made me feel safe. I want to share that with *you* now."

"I'm not completely ready for everything right now, Chris. But I do need something from you." Toby looked up into the handsome face and felt the love radiating out of those incredible eyes, healing his spirit--claiming it.

"Anything."

Toby smiled. "I need to replace one set of bad memories with some good ones." Toby explained as his hand traced down the sculpted chest toward his goal. He gently touched Chris' stiff cock, running his finger over the head, before he cupped it gently in his palm. "I need to touch you, taste you, while I feel your hands on my skin."

"Toby!" Chris yelped. This was a side of Toby that he'd never suspected: aggressive, needy, passionate, and playful--all blending together into a person who took Chris' breath away with just a look. His body was shivering, as Toby's gentle touches reengaged his passion--he wasn't sure if he'd be able to stop if Toby continued this. Toby's busy hand was driving him insane; it was difficult to think, to remember to breathe, while that hand was caressing him.

Chris was breathing heavily and his heart was racing--he longed to make love to Toby, but nothing would be allowed to continue until he was sure that Toby really wanted this. He still needed to be certain that this wasn't just for him--because Toby had felt his arousal. It would only be good for Chris if Toby wanted this, too. "You don't have to do this." Chris paused to catch his breath, before he said, "I can wait until *you're* ready---I love you."

"I know that," Toby chided gently. "This is for me, too. I need to know that I can do this, that it can be beautiful and loving." Toby slid down Chris' body to get a closer look--Chris' penis was beautiful, just like the rest of his body.

Toby lowered his head and took Chris into his mouth. He wasn't exactly sure what to do at this point, so he just began to suck on it, wrapping his tongue around the hard steel, tasting him. The unique flavor of Chris in his mouth was something to savor, as Toby devoured him. He let Chris slide out of his mouth, while his tongue traced down the underside of his penis, before he sucked him back into the warm confines of his mouth.

"Oh...god--that feels so good! My Toby. MY...TOBY!"

It was so much easier than Toby thought it would be. It made him feel so...incredible when he heard Chris gasp in surprise, calling out his name in breathless little cries. Gently, he began to let Chris slide in and out of his mouth, setting a rhythm, increasing the speed and pressure, until the detective cried out again.

"MY LOVE! MY BABY!"

Toby was tracing over a vein, from the base all the way to the crown. Then he paused and swirled his tongue over the slit, sucking off the fluid already dripping off the tip, before he let his mouth devour Chris again.

"Ahhh!" Chris was having trouble thinking of anything except that heavenly pressure that was wrapped around him, driving him to the abyss. Chris slid his eyes open to watch the golden head, witnessing Toby going down on him. The sight just made the experience that much more special. It had never been like this--this all-consuming passion and hunger, not with anyone but Toby. Now and forever.

The whimpers from the detective were warming Toby's heart--he needed to please Chris, who had unselfishly offered his support and his love. Not once had he ever mentioned his own worries, or concerns. Toby knew that Chris had suffered today, and he needed this healing touch almost as much as Toby did--something deep inside of Toby knew that he was right, and that Chris longed to have him this close.

Toby's jaw was beginning to ache; Chris was so BIG and perfect--satiny skin surrounding the hard flesh. //And it's all mine!// Toby increased the suction as he felt the detective's thighs begin to tremble. Chris' hand was carding through his hair, gently stroking.

When Chris' muscles stiffened, Toby knew that he was on the brink. With one final suck, Chris screamed softly and came inside Toby's mouth. Toby swallowed every drop of the warm fluid, until Chris was milked dry. He reluctantly released his new toy, and snuggled up against the sweaty body.

Toby inhaled the scent of sex, which was so much better than the antiseptic smell of the hospital room. //I did this.// Chris' cheeks were flushed and his eyes glowed with contentment as Toby kissed his lips.

"I hadn't realized how much I needed that," Chris gasped out as he tried to catch his breath. His hand traveled down Toby's sticky body, exploring. Toby's semen was adhering to both their skin, sealing their bodies together. "Hey, no fair." Chris chided. "I wanted to do something for you!"

"You did, Chris." Toby snuggled his head into its new home, against his heart--the sound of Chris heart beating was a comfort, a reminder that he wasn't alone in this, that he had Chris' love and support. "You did more than you'll ever know." Toby yawned as the need for more sleep made itself known. "And I'm not finished with this. Next time, I want you buried inside of me."

Chris gasped as he pictured that. Toby smiled that impish smile of his again before he settled his body more comfortably beside Chris, whose nerves were still tingling. This felt just as incredible--being able to just wrap his arms around Toby and hold him close and bask in the afterglow.

The sex had drained Toby and reliving those memories hadn't been a picnic either. Chris had been his anchor to sanity through it all. Now, he would finally be able to rest; Chris' love would keep the nightmares away. Toby yawned. "I needed that too--the memories made me feel so powerless and...icky." Toby shuddered as he remembered. Strong arms tightened, reminding him that he was safe and loved. "Now, I finally feel better. Having you *here* like this, watching over me--thanks."

"Get some sleep and I'll be here. I'll always be here for you, my love."

//Unless the nursing staff gets pissed and throws me out.// Chris glanced down at the floor; clothes were strewn across the carpet. It wouldn't be hard to figure out what they'd been up to. Regardless of Toby's assertions, Chris was sure that the staff wouldn't be too crazy about them having sex in the hospital--especially since Toby was still recovering from a mild concussion.

//Hopefully, I can use the Keller charm and convince them that the sex was therapeutic.// That didn't sound too hard to accomplish. All they'd have to do is see the contented expression on Toby's face to know that Chris was telling the truth. //After all, it is a hospital, not a fuckin' prison.//

Chris closed his eyes and settled back onto the pillows. It had been a very long day, and he couldn't wait to finally be home, alone with Toby--without the potential interruptions of cell phones, nurses or concerned family members. Just the two of them, alone, in their own world.

Sounds like heaven, Chris concluded before he fell back to sleep.

Go to next part.


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